Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Hello, and welcome to the Intuitive Femme Network. On today's episode, we're going to be talking to Bambi Lynn about how to reinvent yourself after the age of 40 and even 50.
[00:00:14] Speaker B: Stay tuned.
[00:00:27] Speaker A: All right. Welcome, Bambi, tell us about yourself.
[00:00:31] Speaker B: Oh, well, thank you for having me. I, you know, this is exciting to be able to talk about the next stage of our lives as women. So this is really exciting. So I am a mother of six adult children. My oldest daughter is 37, and I have been blessed with 13 grandchildren.
That's a good. That's a good starter of where we're going.
[00:00:53] Speaker A: Wow.
I bet that keeps you busy.
[00:00:57] Speaker B: It does, it does. I only have three of my children, you know, live kind of close to the area, and then three of my children live where I lived before, because I actually became a transplant. I'm originally from Buffalo, New York, and I moved to the golden isles of Brunswick, Georgia. So that was a huge move for me. As we're going to talk about midlife, we're going to talk about things like that and, you know, how I had to redefine who I was and find out who I was without, you know, just being a mom and a nana and a homeschooler and, you know, and things like that. So I'm excited about this conversation.
[00:01:32] Speaker A: Yeah, I love that. As we were just kind of chatting before we started recording, you know, we are in different age groups. I'm about the age of your daughter, but yet we're. We're still both in this phase of knowing that there's. And wanting more. So something that I've really started seeing is I've researched and kind of looked into the feminine energy, feminine embodiment, the changes that women go through, especially going into, like, perimenopause, menopause, post menopause, there are so many changes that happen within us on a hormonal level that it really affects us in so many different ways. And what I've seen is usually around those mid-30s, that something really shifts with the feminine, where we kind of wake up and start going, wait a second, like, I got married, I went to college, or I got the degree, or I did whatever. I had the kids, I've got a family. But something is missing. Like, I thought that this was going to make me happy. This is what I was told was supposed to do, and then it was the end, all, be all. And now, like, now what? So there. There's this, like, confusion, this desire for more. But most women, they don't. They don't know what that is. Or what to do with it.
[00:03:01] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. And the much more is, I think it's us finally becoming. It's, it's all about, it's all about stages, it's all about chapters, you know, and I even tell women, live the chapter that you're in. Don't look forward all the time to the next chapter. Just embrace the chapter you're in because there is going to be another chapter. And sometimes if you're moving so fast into the next chapter, you're really missing the benefits of the chapter that you're in because you're going to get there. And we're in a sense, we do live longer in the chapter of us becoming than we do in the chapters of motherhood. You know, our children are gone, you know, by 18, 19 years old and they're only coming back for visits. So I tell women, enjoy that time because that time is but a split second and then you are going to be able to enjoy other things and you're going to be able to discover and rediscover and who you are into the next chapter.
[00:04:02] Speaker A: I honestly, I really love that advice as I a 38 year old woman who is a single mom, it's challenging because there has been a part of me that, you know, when it comes to even like the concept of dating where I'm like, I don't really like that idea. Let's be real. Like we don't, we don't really know what we're getting these days especially. Absolutely. There's also these things where, you know, all of us deal with comparison. Itis right where we're like comparing ourselves to other people and I'll see other coaches and other people in the realm that I work within and I see them going to these conventions and these conferences and doing all this kind of stuff and being able to host these events and that is not accessible to me as a single parent. I can't do that. And so that has been a part of my own personal experience where I've had to look at that and have compassion for myself and remind myself exactly what you're saying. It's like, look, you know, before you know it, she's going to be grown up and then what? That's when I can go do conferences and conventions and speaking engagements and I can, you know, travel the world and I can date and I can do whatever I want and she can travel with me and we can have adventures and enjoy things like that. So it's, I totally agree with you. I feel like part of Our society is, like, always teaching us to, like, well, what next? What next? What next? And that's a part of what's causing so much illusion of something and so, like, unhappiness, because we're wanting that what next? Instead of actually just being present in the what now?
[00:05:56] Speaker B: Absolutely. And you know, and I remember, you know, my sons, I have six children, and I have four daughters, and I have two boys, and my two boys are identical twins, and they were the last to leave. And I also raised children as a single mom. I was married twice, and both marriages did not work. So I ended up being a single mom. And I don't date at this point in my life. There's just too much out there that I don't want to be part of. And so I don't date. But I remember, you know, I homeschooled my kids for 27 years, and when my sons left at 17 years old to go into the military and I put them on that bus and I was so proud of them because it was something that they were looking forward to their whole entire life. Since they were five years old. That's all they played was army, army, army. But the day that they put. I put them on the bus and I drove away, it was a realization that they weren't going to come back. They weren't going to come back as those little boys that were sat around our table and coming up with pranks for the neighborhood. There wasn't going to be teenage boys at my house anymore eating out of my. Eating me out of house and home. The memories and the dreams were over. There was no more. No more cool conversations. You know, when I walked into my door after dropping off my sons, I remember getting falling just to my knees and realizing that that season of my life is over. And I didn't. I didn't understand the impact that it was going to have on me and how emotional impact that it had on me. And I just walked around, walked around my house and rubbed my hands on my walls of just picturing all the laughter and all. Everything that was in there. So that's why I really tell women. And it's very, very difficult when you're in where you're at. It's really difficult for you to understand, to embrace the moment. I could go back. Oh, my goodness. I loved being a mom. I loved being a mommy. Being a mom is a lot harder than being a mommy because now they're out on their own. They do their own thing. And sometimes they call you for advice, and sometimes they Don't. So that's why I tell moms, you know, just embrace those moments.
[00:07:59] Speaker A: Emotional.
[00:07:59] Speaker B: Just embrace them and. And cherish those moments because they do go away really fast. And it was such.
It really was a devastation for me because I had had my oldest daughter, which is 37. I'd had her at 16 years old.
All I've known is to be a mommy. And now I have to find a way that. How do I redefine myself? What does it even mean now to say, oh, you're going to become. You're going to. What does that mean when you. All you've embraced is motherhood and single parenthood and, you know, figuring out the bills on your own. How do you fix this wash machine? How do you, like, get rid of this, you know, refrigerator that's broken? And now I'm at the point in my life, at that moment, I was at that point in my life that something had to change.
And I didn't embrace that change. I did it kicking and screaming. Even though the change was going to happen, it was no choice. I was going into the next chapter whether I liked it or not.
[00:08:59] Speaker A: Yeah. And honestly makes me think of, like, childbirth, where you're like, I don't want to do this. And it's like, honey, you don't have a choice.
Happening.
I love when you said that. Or it's like something had to change. And it's a lot of times that something is us, right? Like our circumstances changed. Something has shifted. Something has changed. Maybe we're out of the phase of having children. And we know now, okay, no more. No more making babies. Like, I'm out of that phase. And then we're out of. No more diapers, no more breastfeeding, no more, you know, now all my kids are in school now. And so it's like we're constantly going through these different phases and different changes. And it's an interesting thing. So I've said this before. I feel like it's not really talked about enough. It's like the morning of the loss of our children in every state.
[00:09:57] Speaker B: Absolutely. And I say that. I say that all the time. And I tell women now, mourn. Mourn the death of that chapter. It's okay. Mourn that death. It is a metamorphosis that is happening in our lives. You know, when you think about the metamorphosing of the monarch butterfly when she lays the egg on the milkweed, that egg is a butterfly. It is a butterfly, but it has to go through the changes in order to be Convinced that it's a butterfly. It's kind of like the whole definition of our lives. We were born women to become something great that is in our DNA, but we have to go through this metamorphosis, these stages in our lives in order for us to be put inside of that chrysalis in the darkest moments of our lives in order for us to emerge. So enjoy the process. Enjoy the eating phase of the caterpillar, Enjoy the time of the, of the milkweed and being part of that. Enjoy each chapter in your life. You will always, you were born a butterfly and you will be a butterfly, but you have to go through the metamorphosing of it.
[00:11:09] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
It really is such a, such a part of humanity where we're always wanting the result, right? We don't, we don't like the doing, the creating.
Hear that? When people think, I just want to be that or I just want to have this and we have to become the version of us that can have or be those things. It's not that simple. Because if we could have those things now, we would have them version of ourselves that we need to be to, to have that thing. I was just having this conversation earlier with a friend of mine. Even when it comes to like, for the example, dating, okay? So me as a single woman, I can sit there and say, well, you know, I just want to date a guy that looks like Henry Cavill, okay? Like, like, because I think he's gorgeous. Okay, we'll just say that. But like, I could say that. Now, let's be real. What if a man who looks like that walked into my reality and was like, I want to take you to dinner. Would I feel like I was attractive enough, good enough, accomplished enough, successful enough to be like, well, yeah, like, let's go, it's about time. Where you been? Or would I be like, my God, like, don't look at me, I don't have any makeup on, right? Like, I have to be honest with myself as to where I am in that. Because if I'm going to want to have that type of partner, whatever it is, you know, successful, handsome, dah, dah, dah, dah. Have to make sure that I become the version that feels worthy of that and that also feels worthy that I could be a partner to this person. We often want our reality to just almost like fulfill a fantasy instead of us actually co creating with our reality.
[00:13:05] Speaker B: Absolutely. That is so true. And you know, and I think about it with, you know, we don't as women, a lot of times we don't start dealing with things into our 40s and our 50s because we really don't have time.
[00:13:16] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:13:16] Speaker B: And. And the other thing is, we don't have time. And we didn't necessarily think that there was a problem with us because we were so full of parenthood. We were so full of. Of teaching our children. We were so full of those moments that we didn't have time to even think about what's wrong with me, what's. You know. And then that happens in our 40s and our 50s. We start looking in the mirror and we start realizing, oh, my goodness, those stories that I told myself over and over again in my head aren't true. And you have to come up with the reality and deal with some of your trauma, you know, what has happened to you. It starts dealing with the trauma because now you have that time to be able to do that. And I. And I think it's awesome to be able to finally have that time if you're willing to do that, to take the time to peel the onion of yourself and of who you are. It's amazing who you really are and the talents, the gifts and the admirations and the ambitions that you have. When I left, I finally, I started traveling for a living. I worked for a company that they had me traveling, which was such a godsend to me because it got me out of my house, it got me out of my comfort zone, and it got me into hotels by myself. It got me to have to learn to be by myself. I remember the first time because, you know, nobody wants to go on dates. Nobody wants to date yourself, Nobody wants to go someplace. And sometimes we don't want to go to restaurants or anything by ourselves because we don't want that stigma. I remember the first time, I'm like, I'm going to try going to a movie first. So I went late at night, I went into the 10 o'clock show and it was this. The movie was the Perfect Storm. And I sat in the back row and I was the only person, you know, in that movie theater. But it gave me. It regenerated me, was like, whoa, I can do that. So then I went to McDonald's by myself and sat there. And then I started going to fancy restaurants by myself. And I started when I was out on vacation, when I was out doing things. I then started asking people, hey, can you take my picture? You know, because sometimes I always got caught up in the fact that, oh, it's just me. What do I want a picture of me for? Yeah, and so I started stopping people, hey, can you take my picture? You know, and now I'm so comfortable in being me and being in my own skin that I can go anywhere and I'm okay with it. But it was a journey, it was a process. It was a moment by moment that we just got to. We just got to do it for ourselves.
[00:15:48] Speaker A: Yeah. There's this part, and I do. I feel like it is the season. I was listening to another podcast and she was referencing data from, like, research studies. She's talking about even, like, the highest rate of depression and even female suicide happens in our mid-40s.
[00:16:08] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:16:09] Speaker A: And it has to do with not only the decline of estrogen, because estrogen is very neuroprotective and it protects our brain. It also helps us to have more resilience to stress and trauma, things like that.
But what you're saying about when everyone leaves and you're there by yourself and you have to sit with yourself, this is what a lot of people avoid. Right. They avoid that with, with gambling, substances.
[00:16:46] Speaker B: Relationship to relationship.
[00:16:48] Speaker A: Yeah. Like just dating random people. Like, they just want to be distracted. They don't want to sit with themselves. And so as women, most of us would consider ourselves to be relatively mentally healthy. We've been taking care of our children. We're good. So we're not sitting there thinking, you know, we've got a dump truck coming at us that's going to slam us down and run us over. We're not even considering that until everything is quiet, everything is still, and we're left with just us. Yes. That person is someone who has been neglected, ignored, put on the back burner, not listen to, you know, and then we're like, oh, I don't want to spend time with someone like that. They're not happy. And so we. We get into the space of wanting to avoid or going into depression to detach. And so I think your story is so beautiful because so many people do feel that way. Like, I can't go somewhere by myself, I can't go do this by myself, etc. And it's like, you have to start somewhere, because if we're going to want to start making some type of contribution, because I feel like that's the next phase we go into. We're growing up and then we help nurture another generation. And then from there we move into our contribution and legacy phase, which is the longest part of our life.
[00:18:14] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:18:15] Speaker A: And so if we're going to move into that phase.
Exactly what you said, we have to get Very comfortable with ourselves and get to know ourselves. So we can show up in rooms and feel like we belong there.
[00:18:31] Speaker B: Absolutely. You know, and I tell people, too, you know, yes, I understand the data about women in their 40s, but you know what? There's other data that proves that the best employees are women in their 40s. Those are the best, best employees because they're dedicated. They've already walked through the stages of parenthood and everything like that. They're done being mommies almost to that age. So they, they are the best, most productive because they're looking for the next high, you know, in their lives. You know, and the other thing is, is that my 20s and my 30s were really rough. They were very rough. And so when I turned 40, my friends had a. You know, the Bible talks about the promised land. It talks about how the Israelites walked around for 40 years and circled and circle and circle and circle. And then the 40th year, they entered. They entered the promised land where. Where there's milk and honey. So if women can look at that and I, you know, whether you believe what, what's your belief system or not.
[00:19:32] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:19:33] Speaker B: But when I look 40 and they had a party for me, because 40 is promised land living.
40 doesn't have to be. 40s can be a party. 40s can be a resource.
40s can be your milk and honey that, oh, my goodness, I walked in the wilderness for 20s and 30s trying to find myself, and now I'm 40, and now I've arrived. So it's perception. It's about looking at the glass and saying, is it half full or half empty?
And if you're looking at it, it's half full and it's almost full. Then it's a different perspective. I chose, and I think that women have to choose. You have to choose every single day. This that's going to be happy. This is the day that I'm going to give of myself. This is the day that I'm going to see my potential and not. We have to mourn the chapter before us, but mourn it and move on. Okay? I've been divorced twice. Let it move on. Your trauma, all of us have scars. There's not one person that's leaving this earth without any scars. But take those scars and teach people some lessons through those scars. We all have trauma. We all have things that have happened to us. But it's not the trauma that we need to dwell on. It's the lessons that we've learned through that trauma. It makes us more of a Better person and somebody that people want to hang out with. If we're this still, this woe is me. This happened to me. This happened to me. I've been on divorce, I've done. People get tired of that story after a while. They want to know what you did with it.
[00:21:09] Speaker A: Yes, it's the, it's the scars, not scabs kind of concept where it's like, you know, when, when it's so gross when you think about a child, like when they keep taking out a scab, it's like, that's disgusting. I don't want to look at it, I don't want to see it. I don't know about it, but when someone has a cool scar, you want to hear that story.
What happened there? Like, tell me what happened. Because that's a, you know, it's going to be a story of overcoming something, of healing because there's a scar there. So this is where it is important when we choose who we're spending time with, even as professional women, like in our content and how we're showing up in the, like, online space, like not talking about scabs and talking more about scars, because that is what is motivational and inspiring and uplifting versus being in a space of like repeating the old stuff. And if we understand anything about, you know, our neural pathways and about how the brain works, like, the more we stay in that old energy, the more the brain thinks that we're there and so recreate more scenarios that reiterate that narrative. And like, I don't, I don't live there.
[00:22:29] Speaker B: And that's where, you know, I started. People ask me, you know, what did you do? You know, I started listening to motivational speakers. I started watching TED talks every single day, just watching them and being encouraged. And, you know, there was one woman, Mel Robbins, she wrote the five second rule, you know, stop having your brain go to six seconds. Because once your brain goes to six seconds, it already immediately has fear. So if somebody asks you to do something and it's outside of your comfort zone, just say yes. Just say yes and just do it. You know, when I was 49 years old, I had a friend of mine say, hey, Bama, you're going to be 50, you're going to be the year Jubilee. What are you going to do to get into your 50s? And they're like, you got to do something totally outside of your box. So they wanted me to get a tattoo and I'm like, I'm not getting a tattoo. I'm just not interested in A tattoo.
I have children. I have tattoos. Just wasn't my thing. So they said, why don't you go skydiving? And I'm on. Okay. And I had just went skydiving with my son, with one of my sons, and it was in the ifly. And the guy said, you know, that you can go indoor skydiving.
Says to me, this is just like skydiving. I'm like, really?
Okay. This is kind of cool. All right. So when she asked me, I'm like, yeah, okay, I can do that. Because this guy told me no.
I took one of my daughters with me, and, you know, just like we are in all life. I was a little cocky. I was pretty cocky. And I'm like, oh, I'm a mother of six. I had eight grandchildren at the time. You know, I wrote on my hand, live, no doubt. You know, and then they harness you up and they stretch, you know, and I'm pretty.
[00:24:07] Speaker A: I've done it.
[00:24:07] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm really top heavy. So, you know, the top half is up in my chin, you know? And then you have this Tatum guy that's hanging on you behind, like this burden.
[00:24:17] Speaker A: Yep. He's on your back like a kid not wanting to let you go.
[00:24:22] Speaker B: So you. Then you go into the plane, and it goes 17,000ft in the plane. You're still a little cocky. You're still like, okay, yeah, I can do this. You know who can't do this?
[00:24:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:33] Speaker B: And then they tell you, hey, you're first. What do you mean, first? They're like, yeah, you need to come closer to the edge. So I get closer to the edge, thinking, what the heck? My daughter can't go first. You know? And so I'm sitting at the edge, and they don't count for you.
[00:24:46] Speaker A: Oh, they just dump you out.
[00:24:48] Speaker B: They just dump you out because they're afraid you're going to take the edges, so they dump you out with this guy in the back of you. They dump me out, scared to death. I get, hey, gum in my mouth. The gum fell out. I vomited. So the vomit's in my face. The guy's going, isn't this fun?
And you see the pictures of your faces, like the dog in the window.
[00:25:09] Speaker A: You know, like saliva.
[00:25:14] Speaker B: And then he said, when you land, don't land on your feet. Don't land on your knees. You gotta land on your ass.
[00:25:21] Speaker A: Yeah. They told me to slide in like I'm a baseball player, lift my feet up and try to slide in.
[00:25:26] Speaker B: So you fall on your ass, and then you get up and he said, do you want it? Wouldn't that. Wasn't that exhilarating? Wouldn't you want to do that again? I'm like, hell no.
And just recently, I Posted on the TikTok a picture of what I look like after. I look like I have just met. I don't know, like my hair was all over the place. I was sweating.
And I tell people. What a great analogy of life.
You just. You're so cocky in the beginning of life, and then you get pushed out and you have to land on your ass. But you know what? When you land on your ass, you got to get back up. People don't want to hear the story that you stayed on your ass.
[00:26:02] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:26:03] Speaker B: Want to hear the story that you got back up and you redefined yourself. People want to hear, what did you do with your life now that you're not. Your children aren't home? Well, this is what I did. So it's not about. It's. I think that life has a way of doing that to us. Life has a way of showing us we have not all arrived. And if we have, we're arriving with some scars and our hair all over the place and sweat drooling down our things, and we just want to collapse.
[00:26:29] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:26:29] Speaker B: So.
[00:26:30] Speaker A: Because otherwise we haven't done it. Like, if we haven't been through it, we haven't done it. And I think that. That it kind of goes with that saying, you know, the best way through, like, to get out of hell is to go through it. And when we've been through it, that's when we can help others collapse. Time, because we've been through it. It's like, no, honey, it's this way. Like, I can help you get out. Instead of wandering around and having to repeat what I went through. I. I know the path. I know the way. Like, just follow me. And that's. That's a beautiful thing to be able to offer to other people. And it's also a way that we help the collective as a whole, the whole world, and have a ripple effect to improve and to. To heal. Because the more people that can reconnect with their truth that are providing a contribution like that does something to you, like when you are connected to your purpose, when you are connected to that. I call it the belly gut fire, where it's just. You just know this. I have to make this happen. I have to figure this out. I have to create that.
I can't not. It's like something in me. I use the analogy. It's like Superman, you know, ripping open his shirt, where it's like, I gotta, like, gotta let the superwoman out. Like, it's in me. It has to come out. And so if we can activate that more in other people.
[00:28:10] Speaker B: I sell a T shirt. Sell a T shirt now that says my story. Your first aid kit.
Purpose of the conversation for people. Like, I just went on a cruise just recently, my very first cruise, and, you know, people would. I wore my T shirt as an advertisement. And, like, what does that mean? I said, if I tell my story, you're going to learn something from. From my story, and that you're going to be healed through my story, and then you're going to pass it on into share it with somebody else. And that's why I became an author. That was really why I became an author in my 50s, was to tell my story, to be vulnerable. Somebody asked me on a podcast that I was on, what's your superhero powers? And I said, because I've been willing to be vulnerable, to be able to. To show you that you can be vulnerable, to give you the space to be vulnerable. Because I was. So that's why I wrote my first book, the Journey of Josephine. And it was my life story on how a broken little girl had gone through a whole lot of trauma in her life. But through the trauma and through my life, I have become who I am today, so I wouldn't change any of my trauma. Another podcaster said, what would you change in your life? Said, nothing. Because it's like the butterfly effect. You change one thing, you got to change everything. You change this thing. You got to change this thing. So I wouldn't be who I was today if I hadn't gone through the trauma of my life. So when I read. When my book was delivered to me and I opened it up and I sat on my bed and I read it for the whole night. I remember closing my book and saying, God, this isn't me anymore. And now. But now I want to find this woman. I want to find this woman to tell her that she is courageous and that she can also tell her story and that now we live in a safe environment to be able to tell her story. I want to find that woman that's become. My mission is to find the woman that needs to be vulnerable enough to open up her closet door and let all the skeletons fall down to the ground. And then when they all fall down to the ground, nobody has anything. Nobody has anything on you anymore. Nobody has any dirt on you anymore. Because she goes, I told that Yeah, I lived up to that. Yeah, I did that.
So it's just, it's. It's. You're right when you said in our 40s and our 50s, we start giving back, we start looking for mission, we start looking for our stories to transform other people. That's why my website says healing through stories, because it's through our stories. The more that we share them with each other, the more we lock arms together and we form a tribe.
Tribe of women becoming who they were always meant to be. And that's like the coolest thing being, you know, I'm 55. I just turned 55. And it's the coolest thing to see where I was yesterday and where I am today, and I'm looking forward to becoming who I am tomorrow. It's like the most amazing journey.
[00:31:02] Speaker A: Yeah.
Yeah. It is an amazing thing, even for myself. Like, I look back in my own business that, like classes that I hosted or workshops that I did or graphics that I made or content that I wrote, and I look back at it and I'm like, well, hot damn, you showed up. Like, he showed up. It wasn't perfect, it wasn't great, but you did it and you're learning from that. You did learn from it. And now look. And so that's where it goes into this. It's like, we can't avoid the journey. If we want to become someone, if we want to be a great speaker, we have to get speaking engagements and suck at them.
[00:31:49] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:31:51] Speaker A: We have to. If we want to be a writer, we have to write. And it will suck. It will be terrible, probably.
[00:31:58] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:31:59] Speaker A: We want to be a coach. We have to start coaching and we, we might fumble and it might not sound great and we might struggle with, well, how do I piece this together and how do I do this? But we have to start. We have to go through the journey. We're not just going to wake up one day being that. That was my, my personal goal and a huge reason I started this podcast and did it in the way where it would be an interview style, where it's not just me talking at people, where it's me highlighting other amazing women for having great conversations. Because for me personally, I want to be interviewed on stage, I want to be interviewed on tv. I want to be interviewed or apt for speaking engagements and be paid $1 million for speaking engagement. How am I going to get confident enough and good enough for that?
[00:32:57] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:32:58] Speaker A: That's it. And of course, are some episodes like my, like, oh, I'm like, I messed up or I don't know what to say or. Sure. That's how we learn.
[00:33:09] Speaker B: You know, it's funny because just before we. We started, I told you that I have been on over 140 podcasts, and I look back at my first one and think, oh, my word, that was me. And there are some interviews that are tough. There are some interviews that the interviewer just doesn't engage. There are some interviews that you're trying to pull it out. There are some interviews that you're doing most of the talking, or there's some interviews that the interviewer is doing all of the talking, but you learn.
40 episodes that I have been part of. It has transformed me. Now I am. I wrote my very first keynote speech, and I sent it over to my. To my speech coach that I hired, and I said, well, what'd you think? And he said, my emotions are so shook up right now from your speech. I don't know what to say right now. Like, I'm trying. I'm trying to breathe because I laughed, I cried. I couldn't breathe for a moment, and I could, you know, and that's come from having, at 25 years old, that someday is going to be on the. I have been at this for 30 years, working on what I. What I wanted to do in my life. I want to be on a TED Talk in three years, tops. It has to be in three years. People say not to make goals anymore for five years, because in those. If you're making goals for five years, then you're being stagnant and you're stalling and, you know, you think, oh, I got some time. I got some time. So people say goals within three years because you're not giving yourself any time to rest. You're just giving yourself, you know, to continue to promote.
Yes, it grows that. So I'm like, oh, that makes so much sense. So that is my dream. And, you know, and I want women to know that so many women, if you go through. If you go through women, you know, today and women that are very successful, most of them didn't become successful until they were 50 and 60 years old.
Look at Martha Stewart. Look at Oprah Winfrey. You know, look at all of these women throughout history that didn't become successful until they were done with the other aspect of their lives, until they were done with the other chapters being, I want women. I am part of this group that the women are all over. I'm the youngest person, so I'm 55. Youngest person. The oldest person is 92 years old. And they are teachers, they are authors. Like, one of them didn't become an author until she was 70. And she's written in their 80s, you know, now she's 80 and she's written three books.
Life begins for us at 40. Life begins for us at 50. Life begins at us for 60 and 70 and 80. We're not done living.
[00:36:02] Speaker A: Yeah, I love that perspective. And, you know, it's like we need to start giving ourselves permission to reinvent ourselves. Like, there's, there's nothing stopping us but us if our kids are out of the house and we have the time. Like, what is stopping you from starting your own podcast? What is stopping you from creating a coaching business? What's stopping you from learning how to do, you know, TED talks and et cetera, or teaching people what you're really good at? The only thing is, is beautiful you.
[00:36:33] Speaker B: As you, you, you are the reason for anything.
You know, you have to look in the mirror and look at your reflection and realize you are the reason for where you are. Let's stop. Let's stop blaming the people behind us and let's start using everything that we went to. And I'm not saying for women, I was in the domestic violence, a victim of domestic violence. So I'm not saying that everything was our fault. But there comes a point in our lives that we got to get rid of that elephant out of the room and deal with the other elephant in the room, which is us, why we did what we did and what, what happened and look at things, and look at things from perspective. Maybe it was meant for such a.
[00:37:16] Speaker A: Time as this opportunity to. When we start looking back over things to feel empowered or to feel victimized. And so one of the routes I prefer to take is the empowered one. I can look back at my own life with different situations and different circumstances and choices that I made from a place of ignorance. So I'm. I don't have any blame, I don't have any judgment for myself. I'm not going to criticize myself. I have so much compassion because I just didn't know better. But so many of those choices resulted in self abandonment.
They resulted in not setting boundaries appropriately, not asking for my worth, not being responsible with certain things. And there were results from those choices. And so I can look at situations and say, well, does that mean it's okay that, you know, someone did this or that happened? No, absolutely not. It's never anything like that. Abuse, assault, anything like that. It's never okay. It's never okay. But when I can look at it from circumstances that kind of led up to those situations. And I look back at it and I'm like, okay, there were opportunities there for me to grow, to assert myself, to practice my power, but I didn't feel empowered enough to do that. But now I do, now I do. And now I can see just how much control I actually do have over my life and over what I create in my life. And that, that's huge work, that's really important work for us to do. Is that mindset work. It's something this every night where I write down a limiting belief and I journal about it. And it's, it's so interesting because these concepts, once I write it down and start writing it out, most of the time I'm like, what exactly. So much proof, so much evidence that this is not even true. And then it's like it just, it's like you pop a bubble. It's just like, it's just like, it's, it loses its power over you. And so it's just inviting the self awareness and looking at things and seeing it and saying, okay, I can trust my intuition. My intuition was talking to me. I just didn't feel empowered or secure enough to listen to what it was saying because I was trained to be too accommodating or to, you know, over look my own needs to accommodate someone else's. Da, da, da, da. And so again, it's like, I'm not going to judge myself or be hard on myself for that. I can see it. And now it's like, okay, well I'm going to give myself permission now to set the boundaries and to not ignore red flags and to, you know, step into my power to create what I want instead of what I'm told I should have.
[00:40:24] Speaker B: You know, when we were talking before we got on the call, you know, you were reading something that I wrote about the oyster and so I wanted to share that, you know, people don't understand is that a clam is not born with the oyster in it. The clam, when you open up a clam, that's new. I don't know how they're, how they're created or whatever, but if you open it up, there is no pearl in it because it hasn't gone through anything.
[00:40:47] Speaker A: Right.
[00:40:47] Speaker B: What causes that pearl to be made with inside of that oyster is that oyster has to go through stuff. That oyster has to go through some prodding, has to go through some picking, has to go through the parasites trying to get into the wall of the oyster. The sand trying to. And what the oyster is doing, it's forming a protective, a protective mode around something. It's because the coming in, the crashing of the winds and things like that, and that is such a, such a word picture for our lives is that, you know, we're created with nothing. You know, there's nothing yet until we start living life. And until the, the trials and the tribulation to the scars show up, until the time shows up and all of that at the end, we can open up the oyster of our own lives and we can see what has been created from that. And the more distress and the more stuff that you have gone through, the more hurricanes and the life effects that you have gone through, the bigger the pearl. And when a pearl, when they take a pearl out of the oyster and you buy the pearl and you wear a pearl, the pearl like now forms with your oils in your skin. And it's a protective mode protection around your pearl by using your own oils. And isn't that profound thing? And it lasts from generations to generations. You know, our lessons in our lives, our lessons that we have to give are for generations to generations. When I die, that I have learned through my life. So look at your life as an oyster, that it's just forming this beautiful pearl. And every time you have to go through something, know that that pearl is getting bigger.
Know that that pearl is being. Is getting stronger and stronger for your own life. Don't ever stop living because you've been through something. You know, don't stop living because your life has. You felt like you failed in your marriage or parenthood or anything else or your job.
Keep getting up, keep getting up and, and going through the storms. Because when you go through a storm, a lot of storms, they. You lose everything in the storm. But you know what's so great about a storm? And you lose everything. You get to rebuild. It's a rebuilding. You lose everything, you lose your house. Now you get to pick the kind of furniture you want. You get to pick whether you want a jacuzzi bathtub or just a regular bathtub. You can't sit in it, any of those things. And you don't get to pick them until the whole house has been destroyed. It's painful. It is painful to lose everything. It was painful when I became a single mom and I had to figure it out. It was painful. But then I got to rebuild and I got to redefine who I am, and I got to redefine how I wanted to parent my children without. You know, I hear the whole story, like you hear about the. The story of the eagle. There's only one thing that one enemy of the eagle, and that's a crow. And a crow gets on the back of an eagle and it starts biting and biting and biting the eagle. But you know what the eagle does? The eagle doesn't try to swish it off. The eagle just keeps flying higher and higher and higher until the crow cannot breathe anymore.
The crow dies, and he falls off of the eagle. The eagle doesn't say. Say a single thing. He doesn't try to move himself around or anything, try to pick him up. The eagle just keeps flying higher and higher and higher until the crow cannot breathe anymore. Yeah, great analogy.
[00:44:16] Speaker A: Yeah. You know, it's interesting. It's. I didn't know that. And it is a piece of advice I give often when people are struggling with relationships or with people in their lives and they don't know what to do. And so my advice is always, you connect with the version of you who is achieving what you desire and that you know that you're meant to achieve. And either those people will rise with you or they will vibrate out gently and organically.
There's no other way. They will either come with you or they. They won't.
[00:44:58] Speaker B: They can't.
[00:44:59] Speaker A: So we don't have to, you know, be mean. We don't have to fight with people. I mean, I can't tell you, I don't know if you've been through it, but I can't tell you how many friendships over the last few years that have just kind of fizzled away because I'm constantly growing, I'm constantly achieving and striving, and most people aren't.
[00:45:25] Speaker B: I don't want to state status quo. I don't want to be known as the person that only wrote one book. I want to be known as the person that wrote five. You know, and here I tell people, too. They're like, how did you do? I had a seventh grade teacher that spoke into my life. I have a 10th grade education with a GED, but she spoke into my life when I was in seventh grade, saying, someday, Bambi, you're going to write and you're going to represent our school as an author. You have a gift. And in my marriages, I was told there was no gift. I have no gift. You know, I'm white trash, I'm trailer park. I belong, you know, whatever. I wrote my first book in my 50s.
I was 52. I wrote my second book at 53. I wrote my fourth book that comes out in July at 54.
[00:46:10] Speaker A: So that is impressive because as someone who's written, I have two books behind me from a trilogy. I've not finished the third one. It is not easy to write a book.
[00:46:21] Speaker B: It is not. And only 1%, they say that only 1% actually come out and publish, you know, their books. So, you know, we have. And I'm a blogger, you know, I write stories every week, you know, for my website. I've been, you know, just like we said, 140 different podcasts, you know, I'm writing my keynote speech for somebody that has a seventh grade education, tenth grade education with the ged. Don't ever underestimate your gifts, your talents and your aspirations. Don't ever, don't let anybody ever talk into your life that isn't a value. Don't ever listen to the naysayers continue to fly like the eagle did and become all that you were created to be. Don't ever allow anybody to take the gifts that were inside of you. I didn't know how to write a book, but I want it. But I won an award on the COVID of my book and I won a silver award on the writing of my book. With a 10th education and a GED, I homeschooled six children for 27 years. Don't allow anybody to ever tell you you can't.
[00:47:34] Speaker A: Yeah, I love that. It is definitely something like I said earlier, where the comparisonitis where we, we compare ourselves so much and that, that had been something that I had taught myself falling into a while back. It's like again, watching other coaches and their success and different things, and I'm looking at them like, well, you're not a single parent who is the provider and guardian of a child. And like, you didn't grow up with, you know, a mother telling you you'll never amount to any good and that, you know, she regretted having you. Like, you didn't, you didn't, you don't. You're not carrying this stuff. And so I used to kind of stay in that and get kind of frustrated and irritated, like they don't understand why, why it's so hard for me. And the reality is, yeah, it is harder. It is harder. We have had harder circumstances and we have bigger things to overcome. Let's be real. It is, but it doesn't mean that it's not possible.
[00:48:42] Speaker B: Absolutely, absolutely.
[00:48:44] Speaker A: It is a thing of wanting it. And again, having that belly gut fire where it's like, I, I have to, I have to figure out how to make this happen. So if it's my faulty belief systems, I've got to figure out how to get rid of those. If it's my shyness and fear of speaking in front of people, I've got to practice and make a fool out of myself and tell them over it and stop worrying about other people's judgment if it's, etc. Etc. Like, we just have to acknowledge what those blocks are and do what we can do to work through them.
[00:49:23] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:49:24] Speaker A: Some other people that have had things easier that didn't go through what we went through, that. That had supportive parents that had money to start their businesses or had a husband that was super supportive and that funded their business to start. I mean, like, let's be real, like, for us to sit and compare ourselves to people that it. It's completely irrelevant, ridiculous even, to compare ourselves to these different people.
They have nothing to do with us. Nothing.
[00:50:04] Speaker B: Looking at the other side is that there are people that even have it worse than us.
[00:50:09] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. Absolutely.
[00:50:11] Speaker B: You know the stories that I've heard on all of the. These podcasts that I've been on. Your heart just breaks and you're wondering, why am I complaining?
[00:50:19] Speaker A: Right.
[00:50:20] Speaker B: So you're caught in the middle of people that are better than you, and you're caught in the middle that people that are worse than you. So why don't we as women, just rally around each other, grab each other's hands and cheer each other on and become a tribe?
[00:50:34] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:50:35] Speaker B: A tribe of encouragement. A tribe of, just because you succeeded doesn't mean I'm not going to. Doesn't mean there's not room in the platform, public speaking, in the women of engagement.
[00:50:49] Speaker A: So much room for all of us.
[00:50:51] Speaker B: And we're like, oh, my goodness, they got that. I wanted that job. I wanted that speaking engagement girl. There's so much more for us. And the more that we cheer on people and the more that we plant seeds into other people's lives. Seeds must grow.
[00:51:04] Speaker A: Yeah.
They have to. They land in the right spot, they will grow. And here's the thing, just like you said. Well, they got that speaking thing that I wanted. Well, guess what? I'm going to go ahead and say it. Maybe they were better than you. So instead of being mad, instead of feeling sorry for yourself, we have to sit there and go, okay, I'm going to try again next year, and I'm going to be the best.
[00:51:31] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:51:32] Speaker A: What do I need to do?
[00:51:33] Speaker B: Maybe I need to look at my speaker sheet and I need to touch it up a Little bit. Maybe. What? Maybe. Maybe it has to be hot pink in order for them to like, oh, she stands out.
Maybe. Maybe she wrote something different that I didn't cover in my speaker sheet. It's all about learning.
Yeah. Like, do you. I don't know how to do this. I didn't know how to write a book. And then when I found out that the. When I wrote my book and I found out the whole process of what else happens after you write a book, you just. I didn't know your page has to be on one side.
Like, I just wanted to write a book.
[00:52:18] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[00:52:19] Speaker B: It's all a learning experience. Yeah.
[00:52:21] Speaker A: How to publish it. Yeah. That's the thing. We have to figure it out.
We don't know. We don't know. But the beauty of the Internet these days is you can really learn anything. Really?
You can learn anything. And does it help to have a mentor?
Absolutely. Let's be real.
Talk about collapsing time. I mean, that's. There's no doubt about it. It's like the difference between trying to learn how to be a doctor on your own by getting a cadaver and starting from scratch or going to med school.
Talk about collapsing time. But when it comes to certain things, like, well, how do I format a book or how do I do this?
Figure it out.
[00:53:07] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:53:08] Speaker A: Teach yourself.
[00:53:11] Speaker B: Or go to the English department at the college and ask if there's anybody who's looking for work.
[00:53:18] Speaker A: There you go. I like to say, I literally say, I'm like, why don't you entertain yourself and Google it? Like, go, go learn.
Figure it out. And it's.
This is a part of, I feel like so much of the oppression of the feminine. It's like they're terrified and I think they have the hope of making a mistake.
What if I don't? And like, it's like, honey, you have so much power. You have so much power. You don't have to wait for someone else to tell you how to do it. You don't have to wait for someone else to give you approval. You don't have to wait for someone else to give you permission.
[00:54:00] Speaker B: Do it. Absolutely.
For me, it does help to have a 37 year old daughter.
[00:54:06] Speaker A: Okay, there you go.
There you go.
[00:54:10] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
[00:54:12] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. The stuff I have to like, research and oh my gosh, there have been days I'm like, oh my God, my head's like slow. It's like, I just want to work with clients. Right. I just want to help people figure out how to inject css. Coding in my website.
You know, it's like God, but exactly, exactly. Did it figured it out?
[00:54:34] Speaker B: Absolutely. This is such a fun conversation. It definitely was a flow of conversation. And we definitely, you know, I think we gave your audience something to really think about into.
[00:54:44] Speaker A: I agree. I love it.
[00:54:46] Speaker B: Great time.
[00:54:47] Speaker A: If. If people are wanting to get in touch with you and get to know you more, how can they do that?
[00:54:53] Speaker B: I am on social media. I am on TikTok, but I just saw the Supreme Court totally did banish it. So let's see what happens. But I am on, you know, LinkedIn, I'm on Instagram, I'm on, you know, Facebook under Bambi Lynn. And I also have my own website, healingthroughstories.com right now. And healing through stories is all one word. Right now. I am offering that if anybody subscribes and purchases, you know, my book or my two books, the Journey of Josephine and of My Heart. And then I do sell, you know, T shirts and if anybody to purchase there is a code that pops up on my website, get a 10% discount, you know, from your home. So if anybody's wanting to go on there, you know, healing through stories.com, i love that.
[00:55:36] Speaker A: Can they get there?
[00:55:37] Speaker B: They can. And what they do, they just pick their own color and they pick their size and that's all they have to do. And they pay a flat fee that covers your shipping, you know, the shipping and handling and covers the tax.
[00:55:49] Speaker A: Yeah, I love that. That's so cool. Because even. Even if right now someone's watching this and they're like, I have no idea how to get started. I have no idea how to make an impact. I have no idea, like, what to do, but I feel called to do it. I love your story about just wearing a shirt.
[00:56:07] Speaker B: Exactly, exactly. Just advertise.
Exactly. Just start with the advertisements, start sharing your story. And somebody asked me, why did you pick a. A first aid kit and not a toolbox? Because I believe that your stories are bringing. Healing has to be. It has to be a first aid kit. It has to be full of band aids and sad, you know, and iodine, you know, to put on the. The open wounds that need to be healed. So it couldn't be a toolbox. It needed to be a first aid kit.
[00:56:40] Speaker A: Yeah. I love it. I love it. I think that's a really cool place to just. Just start. Like, go get a T shirt, wear it, and let people ask you, what is that? And then maybe you can start sharing your story and inspiring other people. And it's interesting just to wrap this up, but to piggyback on what we're saying, it's like the more we start, the more clarity we have on our path.
The more action that we take, the more conversations that we have, the more people we talk to, the more we're. It's like this whole veil gets lifted off of the. The model that's been made. It's like, ta da. It's like we just start seeing it.
[00:57:20] Speaker B: It's like, ah, exactly.
[00:57:23] Speaker A: That's what I'm good at. That's what people come to me about. That's how I help people.
And then we can just continue to listen and follow that.
I love it. I love, love, love it. So, just to wrap up, I always like to ask everyone this question at the end because I think it's just so interesting to get just different people's perspective. So I want to know, from your perspective, how would you define success?
[00:57:52] Speaker B: I would define success getting up every morning and being you, you know, making sure that you are authentic to yourself. I would want to. Success to me is becoming more and more who I was always created to be and unwrapping, you know, every part. Once you think that you have it, you're unwrapping another box. You know, success is just being authentically you and knowing that you are your own superhero in your life. You don't need any other superhero but yourself. Because when you look at yourself in the mirror and you see that cape wrapped around you, you understand that you have thrived, you have and you have survived your story for you to continue on. So that to me is success.
[00:58:37] Speaker A: It's so awesome. Thank you so much again for being here today. And we'll see everyone on the next episode.
[00:58:45] Speaker B: Awesome. Take care. Thank you.
