Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Hello and welcome to today's episode of the Intuitive Femme Network. Today we have Special guest Lily McNamara, who is going to be walking us through and helping us bust through some myths around manifesting. Stay tuned.
[00:00:27] Speaker B: All right, thank you for having me. I'm excited about this topic. It is, honestly, I don't think talked about enough because people are so scared of it, of, like, hurting other people's feelings. And it's like, I plan to hurt some people's feelings on this episode. I don't know about you.
[00:00:44] Speaker A: That's okay. That is okay. You're already helping me to expand and grow in other ways and bring more things to my awareness. So I'm grateful for that and appreciative. That's how we grow. Right. We have to see and learn it.
[00:00:58] Speaker B: Absolutely. And being like coaches and professionals and helping with people, we. We kind of are the example for others through. Through our teachings and stuff. So it's always fun to. To learn through doing.
[00:01:10] Speaker A: Absolutely, absolutely. So when it comes to manifesting, tell me some of the things that you have witnessed that are kind of honestly, like, blocking people from manifesting even though they think that they're doing all the right things.
[00:01:25] Speaker B: The biggest one that no one wants to hear is social media.
And it's not that it can't be utilized as an effective tool. It can, but so many people are doing it in the form of digestible little pellets. And. And if you actually want to manifest something, it's usually not going to come in a thimble. Like, you don't. I don't know about you, but I don't want a thimble of abundance. I want a typhoon. I want.
[00:01:49] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:01:49] Speaker B: I want it to wash over me on a daily basis. And when you do it in these little digestible nuggets, it's just not effective at all. So that would be a big one that I think. And, like, when you're just getting started, of course you want just, like, little phrases and stuff to dip your toe into. But if you really want to manifest, if you're serious about manifesting, it has to go so much deeper than that and into, like, what works for you specifically. And the problem with social media is that it's one size fits all, because everything starts with, if you want to do this, do this. And it's like, but what if they're neurodivergent? What if they're disabled? What if they have a different energy block? What if they have trauma? What if there are all these we are ever expanding beings, Right?
[00:02:38] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:02:39] Speaker B: So why the fuck would we have such a limiting belief on ourselves that we are a cookie cutter basic bitch? Why in our manifesting, why would that be the place where we start? It sounds so awful to me to start there, to be like, I'm just like everybody else and, and this is going to be fine. And it's like, no, just make it you. You're fabulous the way you are. Make it. You don't make it like that other person on, on your phone. Make it you.
[00:03:08] Speaker A: Absolutely. I think that you're really onto something with that because that, the cookie cutter stuff, that's part of our society, right? It's part of that more like patriarchal society that we've been laboring under that is very cookie cutter. It's very compartmentalized. It's very things need to fit into a box kind of energy, and we don't, especially when we have feminine energy. Feminine energy, of course, is in everyone, but that feminine energy is not something that can be constrained. It's like a river. It wants to flow, it wants to expand. It's going to find every little crack and little crevice and move into it and try to grow as big as it can. And so when we're trying to kind of make things fit into these different categories, we limit ourselves and it doesn't work for us. I was actually having this conversation with someone the other day about, like you were saying, neurodivergent when that, that Albert Einstein quote, I don't remember it exactly, but it's something about, if you measure success by the ability to climb a tree, a fish will always think it's stupid. Right. And so this is our society, though. It's like, we need to do things. It's like this and like this and like this and that. That's just not an accurate statement. And the more that we push against that statement, the more we're going to be able to expand and grow and create. And I think that honestly, that's probably part of the paradigm of blocking that mindset is because again, we have been in an energy, in a society that has wanted to keep things more constrained. So we're kind of those thought leaders and leaders on that forefront of saying, hey, like, there's a new way to do this and we can do this.
[00:04:59] Speaker B: Yeah, definitely. And it's your.
The idea that there are all those programs out there. Again, like with social media and since the pandemic, our industry has actually become very saturated with tons of new coaches and professionals, and they're all offering roughly the Same thing. And it's so funny. Like, online summits all. Once you see it, they all use the same template, and it's like, oh, there is nothing unique about this except you, like, change the word awesome to groovy and it's.
[00:05:30] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh.
[00:05:31] Speaker B: Yeah, they all use the same template because it works. But it's like, it works in a very limiting way, which is not us, is not how we roll with our clients. And that's why, like, with my clients, everything that I do with them is customizable. Like, there's no service, there's no conversation. That's not like, what do you need in the present moment to manifest the future of your dreams? It's like, well, step A, B, and C leads to 1, 2, 3. It's like, no, let's be honest. We all stopped for pizza halfway through. And no, we're not doing step two because we're not ready. And there are all these different ways to do it. And I find it interesting, like, watching people specifically with, like, manifesting. Okay, so you have to write it down. You have to write it down. You have to write it down every day.
That's great. If writing is how you manifest. But what about the people who. I. I have a colleague who draws, and I am not an artistic human. So if someone said, you have to draw pictures, I would manifest the weirdest looking.
So it's like. But she draws, and she'll draw like a V with flowers. And each flower is something she wants to manifest, and then she visualized it growing and blossoming. That is fabulous for you, bitch. That is not. If someone said that I had to do a vase full of flowers, I'd be like, I already feel like I'm coming from a place of failure then. Because I know that I'm not good at drawing, and it's not something that I want to practice. It's. But then, like, so again, people who. It's like, they have to write down, I am successful. I have a million followers, or something like that every single day. It's like, that's great. If writing is. You're manifesting, but if it's not, you're just sitting there going, why isn't it working? I'm doing what people tell me to do. Maybe you need a vase of flowers for me. You will. You will never guess. And yes, I get. It's very funny. It's singing. I cannot speak, write, draw. If I sing it. And let me be clear, I'm not a singer, but if I sing it, I'll manifest it. I have songs with dance moves at this point, everything I want to manifest it is music. It is bumping, it is fabulous. Because to get to where we are, we have to try so many things, right? That's why we're the professionals. That's why we're the experts. So, yeah, I've tried all the different ways of manifesting and I figured out what works for me. It's like, oh, it's singing the little songs and like, yeah, before I got out of bed today, I sang the fun little song and for health and well being and then got up and, and went about my day and I feel awesome and I love that. So it's different. Like that's just one example of how you need to customize. Manifesting is like the technique that you're using could be way off. Some people, they need to think it in their head. Some people, they need to like, say it out loud and like have it rhyme even. And it's. You don't figure this out unless you try it, people. Unless it's like you're one of God's favorites and you just feel aligned immediately. And you're like, I know it's drawing. And I'm like, oh, so nice to be you. I had to do trial and error for years before I figured out singing like little ditties was my thing. And so it's all customizable. Your journey is customizable. Nothing is predestined. It's figuring out exactly what works for you with manifesting, not what works for everybody else. Even if everyone else is the majority. Oh my God. You might be different. Perish the thought.
[00:09:11] Speaker A: In this society, yes, I'm different. What like, honestly about these days, to be different. I want to add to your singing thing because that's, that's really, really cool. As I have studied more with the psychology behind manifesting, my background, I have a psychology background. I went to grad school for rehabilitation therapy. And so the brain and that kind of aspect of things, I, I nerd out on it. I like it. And so it's blending science and woo, right? And this is where we have the like quantum physics and things like that. And so when it comes to manifesting, the reason a lot of people aren't successful with it is because it requires two parts. It's like the brain has to get on board and the body energetically has to get on board. And so I love the idea of the singing because that's why it's working, because it's doing both. And by doing the movement, any type of movement is really somatic work. Let's be real. It gets the energy flowing and it raises your vibration. This is why exercise, yoga, all of these different things work so well and are so helpful for so many reasons. So you're using the word in the brain, but you're also getting the body into that vibration. Feeling good. Like, yeah, this is working for me. And so it's like this perfect storm to create into this reality that we're currently residing in. That's such a cool idea. I've honestly never even thought about that. Do you have any other recommendations or ideas or suggestions for people to try as they're trying to discover their magic superpower of manifesting?
[00:11:03] Speaker B: So that one is about like the technique and the style that you do. It just side tangent. I love science and woo. Like, they, they are sisters, like twin sisters. They hold hands and anyone who's like, no, it's all spiritual. And I'm like, it's spicy psychology. That is all woo is like. If you know the limbic system, you know what being an empath is. If you know what mirror neurons are, you know how to vibe check a room. Like, yeah, there's just these things that I like you. I'm geeking out over it. I'm just. It's because it's real. As much as people say you can't prove it, it's like it is scientifically proven. Just different words, it's just different terminology. And it's. I. So I love it. And so like the technique, it's. It's drawing, it's writing, it's thinking, it's singing, it's that type of thing. But then it's the mindset that you have, like you talked about. But another technique that a lot of people don't understand is like the frequency. And again, everyone is different. And let's be honest, let's hurt some feelings. If you say it, draw it, sing it once.
That's nice. That's cute. That's nothing.
And it's not that you have.
Yes, yes.
[00:12:18] Speaker A: And that's so sore. But guess what? You're not gonna see any result.
[00:12:22] Speaker B: Yeah. And it is, it's like exercising. And so some people, their timing and their frequency, it's potent. Let's. Yes, I love the exercising analogy. I'm running with this now. I'm committed to it. So some people walk on a walking pad or outside every single day for like 30 minutes. So you would do your affirmation technique or your manifesting technique every single Day for a little bit of time. There are other people who, like, once a week, they do crossfit, you know, and there are other people who. It's like once a month, they do like a full cleanse and reassess, like, their body and stuff like that. And they do it really intense.
You need to figure out what your timing is, what your frequency is. I think doing it every day or almost every day is really nice. Kind of like going to the gym or brushing your teeth. It's just integrated into your life. Not because it's like, oh, that's what you need to manifest. That's what you need to change your neuroplasticity. Like, your neuropathways do so much better on repetition. And so if at the beginning you're saying it every single day, awesome. And then eventually you go down to, like, maintenance. Once you get your mind to be like, yes, I am in a state of abundance all the time, you may be able to do it less. But it's. It's this again. It's this myth that it's like, yep, if I. If I just say this or write it. There is a technique. It is not.
It is not one that I use. Nothing is false. You can believe whatever you want. You have free will. And it is the technique that all you have to do is on December 31, write yourself a letter as. As like your future self about the year that you want to have. And then you fold it up, you put it in an envelope, and never think about it again. I don't like that method. It's not a method that I prescribe to. I believe that manifesting is an active participation in your own life and in the betterment of your existence because you truly believe you deserve it and you are attracting that. And so it's people who are like, oh, yeah, I just wrote myself a letter and then I put it away and I never thought about it again. I just lived my life and it magically happened. And I'm like, did a unicorn shit rainbows too? It's not intention.
[00:14:36] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:37] Speaker B: And so we're. We're recording this at the beginning of January, right? And so December just happened.
And you see all that stuff again on social media and everything of people being like, here's the quick way to manifest your best year. Here's the. Here's the secret sauce for it. And it's like, no, the secret sauce is you. Is you loving yourself to put in the effort to change. That's what manifesting is. It's. And it's it's so overlooked because it's almost like with manifesting, so many people want to give their power away. They want to give it to Santa that it's like it's just gonna, yeah, right. I've been good all year and it's. They want to give it to other people. Like someone else is going to give me my big break, right. Instead of I attract what I align with and what I deserve or like stuff's happening to me. It's like we want to give our power to the universe, to Santa, to other people, to just happenstance that not getting, like, not getting sick, you want to manifest health and. And then it's like, oh, well, I got sick. It's like you hung out with your sick friend who had strep and now you got strep. Yeah, causal thing.
[00:15:53] Speaker A: There's a level of accountability with that, right? There's a accountability when it comes to our own experience. And like you're saying we can't have what it is that we want in our current vibration because if we could, we would have it. So the version of us that we are in this moment, right now is not a match to that circumstance, desire, thing, what a relationship, business, abundance, whatever it is that we are wanting to have in our life. It's not a thing about drawing that thing closer to us. It's about us going closer to that thing by taking aligned action and understanding who do I need to become to be a match to that. Instead of like you're saying, waiting for Santa to just bring it on a silver platter. Because here's the thing, have you seen this? Where people will use those like manifest quick tips, right? It's like the get rich quick schemes kind of thing. And then they'll use it and they will manifest something, but then they lose it. They don't keep it. This happens so much and it perpetuates this feeling of unworthiness, poster syndrome, negative self belief. Because we're thinking, I'm just not worthy of this or I'm not good at manifesting or this, that and the other. And it's like, no, it's because we didn't do the work so that we become the match to it. It's one thing to create it and call it in and have it and another thing to actually feel worthy of it. So it stays. This is a very different thing.
[00:17:39] Speaker B: Yes. And, and like, it's not for me, I've noticed. It's not that they can't keep it, it's that they can never Replicate it again. It's like they, they get it once. They do. They do that get rich quick thing once. And it's usually it's. Let's be honest, if we could all manifest a million dollars right now, we would. And not even for selfish reasons. We all got a charity list in the back of our head that we don't want to give big checks to help the world. And. But these, like, get. I love that you say like, get rich quick schemes because that's what they are. Like view rich as abundance. And it's either health, wealth, relationship, love, whatever it is, it is to get rich in whatever aspect you're trying to manifest. And they'll do it once and it'll be like, oh my God, yes. So I got, I manifested more money and it was like a Christmas bonus or something. But then. So like they got it once, but then they couldn't manifest any more money. They went back to the regular salary. And then you put so much pressure on yourself that it's like, well, what did I do wrong? And. And how am I unworthy? And then it's like you build it up and build it up and I.
[00:18:45] Speaker A: Just going backwards, backwards, further and further away from it.
[00:18:48] Speaker B: Yeah. And I. So something that I detest, and it is slightly controversial is everything happens for a reason. You attract your entire reality. I do not believe that. And it's. I do not believe that any child manifested a pedophile.
[00:19:07] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:19:07] Speaker B: Like, I do not believe that at any point a toddler felt unworthy enough for that to happen. And so when, when I think of trauma and stuff like that, and because it, It's a slippery slope into victim blaming to be like, well, you created this. You attracted the boyfriend who beat you in the face. And it's like, no, a predator was preying on you.
Now here's what you do have control over you, not anybody else. You. You may have been put into an unfortunate situation, but what are you going to manifest from that? And I am a child of like severe abuse. And I in no way think that somehow the universe was like. Or it was a lesson that I needed to learn. I, I don't think any toddler needs to learn that lesson.
[00:19:55] Speaker A: You know, that toxic mentality in, in the spiritual space, it's so mainstream that.
[00:20:04] Speaker B: It'S like you've attracted everything. So like there, there's those horrific examples. Right. But then there's also other examples that just happened. So recently I got really sick at the end of 2024, like debilitating in bed 20 hours a day.
I. I will admit, I went immediately to, how did, how did I attract this? What did I fuck up? What did I do? What didn't, what didn't I do? Right? Because I was miserable. And I was recently diagnosed that I have abnormal severe migraines. And that's what it was. I had a migraine for like a month straight and it, it was awful. I was taken by ambulance to the er. I do not recommend that for anybody. And.
But that was my knee jerk reaction. Even with all of my training and everything, when I was put into a state of severe distress, my knee jerk reaction is, how did I cause this? How did I manifest this? And then after, you know, freaking out for a few days and being like. Or like, horribly sick, I took a step back and I was like, okay, this has happened.
I'm not to blame. I didn't attract this, this isn't my fault, anything like that. And it's like, but now what am I gonna do with it? And now I'm gonna manifest from here. So there are certain things that, like, we don't manifest our entire reality, but it's like when we're put in a situation like, now what are we gonna do? What are you going to do with this? And for me, it was like, all right, it sounds so weird, but what I did was I enjoyed the illness. I felt miserable and sick. It was awful. Please do not get me wrong. But I slept more in that month than I probably have in the past few years because I was building my business and my empire, and now I'm incredibly successful. And I do not regret any of it. I do not regret how I lived my life or what my business looks like now. And it's like, I was put in a situation. I'm like, well, what am I going to do? I'm going to be miserable, but I'm going to, like, every time I slept and woke up, I was like, it's so nice to rest. And then I was just filled with gratitude. No matter how sick or uncomfortable I was, I was like, you know what, body? Do what you got to do. Yeah, do what you got to do. I will listen. I will honor what you need. And apparently what it needed was a crap ton of sleep and something called zolfran, which helps with nausea, which is a gift from the baby Jesus.
[00:22:32] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, I am familiar with that.
[00:22:35] Speaker B: First time I took, it was in the ambulance and I was like, oh, miracles are real.
[00:22:43] Speaker A: Yeah, this is amazing.
[00:22:45] Speaker B: So that's, that's a controversial take because I know so Many spiritual people. And it's so mainstream that it's like everything that happens to us either happens for a reason, it's in our soul contract, or we manifested it. Whatever school of thought you want. And I just sit here and go, there are a few questions I have about that with manifesting and stuff. And, and those are the examples that I brought up. I, I don't know what your school of thought is about that.
[00:23:11] Speaker A: So the way that, that I have seen it is when we look at energy, right? Everything is energy. I think one of the things that we miss a lot of times when we're coming into our childhood is that's not where we're starting from.0. We have so many lifetimes worth and generational ancestral stuff that we come in with that has absolutely nothing to do with us. That's not our fault at all that we're carrying it, but it's there, right? And so everything has a frequency. And so if we're born with DNA that is holding a specific frequency because someone else was abused or someone else, whatever, that's within that realm, there is the potential there for matching energy, right, to play out these things. That is the way that I kind of see that. And as we age, right, and become more conscious, more aware of our environments and how we participate in them, we are able to start looking at situations and say, okay, like what happened here for, for an example, as someone who is a sexual assault survivor, this has been something that I had to really look at because it's not something I would ever say, you know, you asked for that, right? Like if that was her vibration.
That's never like, no. But have I been able to look back on this situation and understand and say, gosh, you know, that's very interesting because I can see how I self abandoned in that situation because of other things that had happened to me in the past. Can I see how this potentially played out because of unresolved things that I had not processed, dealt with or even knew about? Like let's be real, most of the stuff that is manifesting into our reality, we're 90% unconscious of it. We there, we are completely unaware of it. And so as I've worked on becoming more aware and more intentional and consciously creating into my reality, there has been this time of empowerment, honestly, because I struggled for a long time after that situation thinking I was very unsafe.
And in reality, when I started looking back in a empowered energy, I was able to see how safe I could have been if I hadn't self abandoned, if I Had said, no, I don't want to hang out with you, because that's how I felt. I didn't want to, but because I had been programmed, oh, be nice. You know, don't hurt their feelings. Don't, you know, don't be mean. You're judgmental. All of these programs that have been shoved down our throat to the point where it was like. And then things transpired and played out. And so I understand everybody's circumstances and situations are very different, and I never want to project my own onto someone else. But for me personally, having those insights and being able to kind of check into that and see that, it was very empowering, honestly. Because I was like, gosh, you know, it's okay to hurt someone's feelings if it means protecting myself. And I'm going to heal those parts of me that aligned with. I would rather put myself in danger than hurt someone's feelings. Like, what kind of crappy programming is that? And that programming wasn't my fault. But at this point, it's my responsibility to clear it because I only have control over me. So that. That's kind of how I see those things. But I agree, I mean, with so much of the manifesting happening subconsciously, illness, a severe car accident, all of these different things, like, who knows what, what's been stored back there that we were not aware of. And so, yes, are we empowered and can understand. I have control over my reality. I do have the ability to play a very active part in this. That's awesome, right? Like, how cool. But then there is also this part that we don't have control over everything. If we were meant to, like, we wouldn't have the human experience.
Why would we even be here? You know, if we're wanting to control everything, that's not expansive. We're here to expand and grow. If I could just control everything. I'm not, how could I do that? So it's kind of this. Nothing is black and white.
[00:28:04] Speaker B: Yes. And I think, like, you bring up two really good points, is that one of them is that nothing's black and white. And like, things can be complex and subconscious. Like, we control as much as we can, you know, and feel empowered to do so.
But you can't control everything. And some things are very. Like you said, the vast majority is subconscious. I think less than 10% is conscious action. Like 90 of our thoughts are neural pathways and stuff. They are so subconscious. And that makes it complex. Like manifesting spirituality. It's the simplistically, a simplicity of life. Beautiful and it is incredibly complex, and it's hard for people to unpack without judging themselves, because it's like, when you think about it, and then it's like it's a neural pathway or a past life or a paradigm that you're trying to deal with subconsciously. And then it's like, so it was my fault is where people usually jump, and it's. I always go, no, stop. Judgment free zone. One. But two, I don't want you to do anything except gentle curiosity.
[00:29:12] Speaker A: That's a big thing. I do, too. Or it's like we're just in observation mode, just observing this.
[00:29:17] Speaker B: We're just.
[00:29:18] Speaker A: No attachment, no judgment.
[00:29:20] Speaker B: We're just looking at it. Because when. When you look at it that way, without judgment, without beating yourself up, because again, society and then most of our upbringings, you know, for millennials and stuff, at least it's been, well, how can I do this better? How is this my fault? How is. And then we beat ourselves up, and it's like, oh, no, no, that's not. That's not the point of finding the glitch in the Matrix. You know, it's to figure out how we can do things, to serve and honor ourselves better. And so it's. It is. It's complex and it's gentle curiosity. Like you said, observation mode. And I kind of like that because I can almost, like, feel myself. Like, if I were to, like, sit down and, like, do a meditation, specifically for, like, gentle curiosity. And if I were to, like, say out loud, observation mode. I can almost feel like a switch flip.
[00:30:09] Speaker A: Yeah. Observation mode activated. Yeah.
[00:30:12] Speaker B: And it's like, it feels very Star Trek. And I'm like, I'm here for it. I am here for the Spock of this.
[00:30:19] Speaker A: Everything is feedback. Exactly. Like, we're here to expand. And so if something does happen in our reality, it's not a thing to judge and say, I failed or, I didn't do this. We're growing and expanding, so can we do what we can to be intentional about what we want to create? Yeah, that's freaking amazing and really, really cool, but other things are still going to happen. And that's, again, why we're here, to grow and expand. And we can't become aware that those programs are there without seeing the manifestation of them.
[00:30:53] Speaker B: Yes, definitely. And with that. So when you manifest, you don't manifest from desperation, anger, or sadness. And it's not that you can't, because many people manifest from those states. And you want to know what result they get? Desperation, anger, sadness. That's the result, the goal is to manifest from being perfectly aligned and content or even joyous or ecstatic, those. Those types of energies. And because so many people are like, I'm manifesting, but they're making that space and they're breathing hard and I'm like, that's gonna be a fun next relationship for you.
[00:31:26] Speaker A: Makes me think of the guys in the gym when they're working out. The. The noises and the faces. It's like, it's not that hard.
[00:31:34] Speaker B: Yes, yes. And so many people there. And so it's like you come.
So while manifesting ideally is going to happen from contentment, joy, ecstatic, be aware that you are in a human form. You are meant to have the full spectrum of human emotions. It's just not ideal to manifest from all of them. Like, preferably, don't manifest from grief, please. It's going to be a rough life for you. Again, another myth about manifesting is that everything has to be happy all the time. Or else. Or else I have attracted negativity in my life. You can be sad if you're okay. Real, real life experience is if you have a pet, what's going to happen?
They're going to die at some point. They have a heartbeat. They're going to die at some point. Yeah, you can't be sad about that. You can't grieve the loss of a soul. You robot. Like, so don't in any way think that either of us at any time are saying, don't be human or don't have the full spectrum of human emotion or the whole human experience. Because I feel like that with toxic positivity, that's something that so many people are cheating themselves out of, is the whole human experience. Which is why we're here.
[00:32:45] Speaker A: Or else depict this particularly exactly that spiritual. What is it? Spiritual bypassing kind of thing where it's like, oh, no, I just can't think that way, or I just can't feel that way. And it's like, well, that also is so blocking to us. They create so much resistance. Because if I can't observe these thoughts, then I'm not going to develop an awareness around them to work on reprogramming them. So it's like it's kind of asked backwards there. It's like, well, just. Just don't have those thoughts. And it's like, okay, that. That's the goal. But we want to not have those thoughts because they just don't exist in our brain anymore. So if they're there, they're telling us Something they're providing us feedback on how we can grow, expand, heal, etc, so that we can become that match to the future thing. I feel like so often people are just, I don't know.
No, putting it off. Don't think that, don't feel that, don't have that. It's like me, like it's coming up for a reason.
That saying, like, the mind will repeat what the heart wants to heal. If it keeps coming up and you're asking for more money or a better relationship or etc. And you keep having the thing popping up. It's trying to talk to you.
It's your, your inner being saying, hey, this program right here needs to go. It's part of what's keeping you from being able to step to this, pay attention to it, and do intentional work with it so that you can clear it. It's not enough to ignore. It's like having a wound and just being like, oh, if I don't look at it, it'll just go away. And it's like puffy and infected is the next step.
[00:34:32] Speaker B: And you're just like, but if I just ignore it, it'll go away.
[00:34:36] Speaker A: And that's.
[00:34:37] Speaker B: And again, manifesting is what? It's a verb. It's doing. It's action based. And so all of manifesting, all of healing are action like, because even feelings are in action. Like you're experiencing your emotion. That is, that is a participation. It's not happening to you. You're like. And so I, yeah. That I get so passionate about all these topics. But it's when people try to do like that spiritual bypassing. It's why just. I would rather have sadness for an hour or a day or grief. I, I feel like that is so disrespectful not only to myself, but to the soul who has passed. If I deny myself grief because it's not positive, did they mean nothing to me? Again, am I a robot? Like you get to have, have all, all the things. All, all, all the things. And some of the most profound things that I have done have been out of anger. And it's not that I'm not saying it was a positive. I'm not saying it was good. But like in, in incredibly dangerous situations, you want to know what saved me? Not light, not love, not compassion. Get pissed. Pissed fueled me to save my own life more than once when I was back in severely abusive situations growing up. And it's like. But going with that spiritual bypass, it's like, I shouldn't have been angry in those moments, it's like I literally would have been dead then. Like the, the one that I always think of is when I was about 14, a family member strangled me and tried to kill me. And like it was blacking out in my peripheral vision. Like I was going, the pearly gates were up ahead.
[00:36:25] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:36:26] Speaker B: And I, I'm sitting there desperate and clawing and not knowing what to do. And you want to know what happened?
In an instant I went from scared to rageful. And this was how dare this person think they can kill me. And just righteous indignation. And I fought them off and I am still alive today. And so I have no regrets over having the full expand of human emotion because they all have a purpose, but their purpose isn't manifesting. You know, use emotions where, where they are, grief is meant to celebrate and process a loved one or a situation that has passed. Absolutely. Anger is meant to motivate and occasionally scare people. You know, it's so yeah, no, I, I'm not a fan of spiritual bypassing. I refuse to, to have that be a thing. Like just like you said, you're just blocking, you're creating your own blocks. Like your life is hard enough and you're just like sticking up a roadblock and being like so no, the, with.
[00:37:30] Speaker A: Emotions, like you're like, you're saying it's allowing ourselves to experience them when appropriate and then being very mindful in times when they are not. Right. So if we are really out of alignment, we could find ourselves getting very angry in situations that are, are not appropriate. Right. Like road rage or standing in line when we don't. Like at the grocery store, someone's count their 20 coupons and it's like, look like what are you going to do? Like, let's just regulate the nervous system and practice mindfulness and practice this. But in a situation where it's like it's either me or them, I'm going to let that full range of anger fuel my body to protect me because that's what it's for. And so learning to honor these emotions in the appropriate times and giving ourselves permission to sit with them, experience them. But then also in times where it's like this is, this is not serving me in this moment. So what can I do to learn from this? How can I practice mindfulness or self regulation or whatever it is. Right. And that's that opportunity for extent. Because yeah, having a more balanced energy is going to continue to allow us to manifest what we desire. Right. What we're wanting to experience.
So Being mindful, paying attention to that is important, but in the moment when it is appropriate, be in that. I've had those moments, you know, and I'm. I'm sure probably you have to. You know, as business owners, it's not easy. And sometimes we have those days where it's frustrating and it's hard, or we get discouraged or someone says something negative even though we know that we showed up 110% for them. And like, you know, in those moments, I'm not going to sit there and dishonor myself by being like, oh, don't feel sorry for yourself, or don't do it at all. I will give myself permission to feel those things, that disappointment that hurt, that. That rejection. And I sit with that and I allow it to teach me. I allow it to give me feedback. And then I'm also able to be introspective when maybe it is a client that said something negative about us. And I can look back and say, I can actually see where there were red flags, that I never should have even worked with this person. But because I was desperate for money or in lack mindset, I accepted them as a client. And again, it's not about blaming ourselves. It's just about being in the observation mode and allowing things to teach us so that we can learn and grow and expand. Because as we said in the beginning of this, like, if we want something over here, we have to become this version, right? And so if we're allowing our current circumstances to teach us so that we can grow and expand to become something new, they're. They're a gift, right? Like, what beautiful offerings we have from these situations. If we're able to lean into them, feel them, sit with them, learn from them, let them teach us, then we can take more aligned action. Because the best. What's. The best way to learn is to make a mistake. Learn what didn't work.
[00:41:01] Speaker B: Yes. Experience. God forbid, you know, we have some of those in this life. And it. There are two questions that I always ask my clients, because let's be honest, the vast majority of the time situations are not safe inside some way, whether it's our own programming or trauma, whether it's like you're at the grocery store and. No, that's not. No one wants to be the next Karen video. Okay? No one's life goal is to be the next Karen video. So you got. You got to keep that until you get to the car. And so the questions that I ask is when you're having an emotion in a situation that's not like, you know, those extreme times or you're not asking questions, you're just doing. But is it safe for me to feel this emotion now? And if not, if you're in the middle of a meeting and calling someone, the C word is not the right move. You take a deep breath and you smile and then you wait till you're home and you bitch to one of your friends about that C word in the meeting.
[00:42:00] Speaker A: Yeah. Or your dog or your cat or the mirror.
[00:42:04] Speaker B: And it's, it's just being able. So that's one question in the, in this situation, am I safe to have this emotion? And when I say emotion, I mean fully, deeply, authentically. I don't mean emotion light. I don't mean diet emotion. I don't mean you. You like make a scrunched up face because you're sad. I mean, if you're sad, actually feel sadness.
[00:42:24] Speaker A: Yeah. Cry, let yourself.
[00:42:26] Speaker B: If you are driving. That is not the time. If, if you, like I said, if you're in a meeting and you're super pissed, like not really the best time, unless you want to burn that bridge, then go for it, sweetie. Go commit to the ends.
But then the other thing that I love asking people is, do you feel safe to feel safe? So many times because of our programming, because of our upbringing, because of a million other things that have to do with our subconscious in our brain, it's worrying in the background of like, am I in danger? Am I this? Am I that? Am I being judged? Because it's not a year's thing. It's not always like bodily harm. Yeah, yeah. It's the vast major. If we're being honest, the vast majority of the time it's not it ideally.
[00:43:14] Speaker A: At the time used to be. But these days it's not physical bodily harm. Most of the time. It is that emotional reputation.
[00:43:22] Speaker B: Yep. And it's the judgment of others. Because if, again, if we're being honest in this society, in this culture, in this time, the judgment of others can make or break your career in a moment. It, you can get canceled, you can lose your promotion, you can be deemed emotional and shadow, bam. And all these things. And so do you feel safe to feel safe? And what I have learned is that most people say no to that when they actually are really honest with about it. And it's like, okay, awesome. With the self awareness now, you need to be very honest with yourself about what that looks like to you. Like what situation do you now need to create to feel safe, to actually feel safe? Is that around other people. Is that alone? Is that, you know, with your favorite coffee? Is that in complete silence? Like, because once you realize it, it's like, okay, now what now? Like, now, how do we. How do we cultivate that? Because once you feel safe, to feel safe, and then you have your emotions, like, it's so much easier to manifest when you're not blocking yourself all the time. Because yours, again, it's. It may not even be on the outside like, that. I am. I do not feel safe. I do not feel safe in this moment. Like, I'm sitting here. I got the mic. I'm good. I'm. I am in my power, not going to lie. There's a little worrying going on in the back of my head right now. And you want to know what it's about? It's about the funniest thing. I broke my oven recently, and I am the type, like, I need it to be fixed before I can, like, relax. Yeah. And so I tried to fix it. Currently, it has gold duct tape on it. I don't know how I broke the door, but I broke the door. Go me, like, currently, if I was being honest with myself, it's like, I don't feel safe to feel to be safe. Even though I'm, like, doing this and I'm in my power. It's because in the back of my head, that thing is worrying that it's like, you need to fix that. And for me to feel safe, it's like, I. I need to feel calm. And like, that's tweaking me out in the background. It's not in the foreground.
[00:45:39] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:45:39] Speaker B: Anything. And so when Pete. It's like, people need to understand that it's not always, like, right here. Sometimes it's the little whirring goblin in the back.
[00:45:48] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:45:48] Speaker B: That you're just like, oh. Because you would. I bet you would not think that, like, yeah, you. You breaking the door on your oven makes you feel unsafe. Because it's like, does it really? And I'm like, yes. On some level, I am not calm enough to feel at peace with feeling safe right now, because that needs to get taken care of. So, like I said, it doesn't need to be an extreme. And people always take it to the extremes. Well, if it's not a life or death situation, I should be fine.
Gentle curiosity. It's okay if the oven door breaks. And that's what's tweaking you out.
[00:46:21] Speaker A: Yeah. And having that compassion for ourselves, too, in that. But there's so much feedback in everything.
It's like tuning into those feelings, tuning into that, even, even that. Like, so it's like, well, why, why am I so worried about this? Why is this bothering me so much? Like really practicing that self awareness and that introspection. I mean, that again is how we expand, how we grow. It's how we become the version of us that we need to become for our manifestations to happen and to be created in our reality. And so I think that that's a really, it's just, it's an interesting opportunity, right? Any of those little things that we can catch ourselves.
Let's, let's catch it and then say why first. Like the curiosity, the observation. But why, why is this coming up? What's going on with this? Sometimes we'll find out it's something really little, like, really, oh, that's why.
And then because we figured it out, the brain no longer feels that it needs to cycle that. It's like, oh, we figured out this little clue, moving on. And so being able to give ourselves permission to tune in and just be curious, I think is a huge part in manifesting that people don't talk about enough. They are, they're, they're doing these little like, quick, try this tip, do this thing, try that. And I think that that's great when it comes to content because the short little blips, little tips can be helpful to attract people in so that they can learn and watch more long form content that can educate them. But I almost feel like they all need to come with a little like just this is not for the newbies. This is like a little tip for those that have been practicing, that already have the self awareness, that are already leaning in with curiosity, all of this kind of stuff. So speaking on that, for the newbies who have found themselves attracted to more of the short form content, what would you recommend for them so that they're actually starting out on the right foot first?
[00:48:30] Speaker B: I would recommend that they subscribe to the Intuitive Femme podcast. I think that that is a very good start because, I mean, you have very frank conversations. So honestly, like, no, no plug. That is genuinely what I think they should do. The other thing, like, this is going to sound so. Because I'm all about the woo. I'm king of the woo, baby. I, I will do the fragrances, I will do the healing stones. I will do it all.
That is the fairy dust that goes on top. So many people have this myth that that's the end all, be all that. The affirmations that you say and the healing Stone bracelet is all you need. All I needed was some Moldavite to change my life. All I needed was citrine to make a million dollars. No, baby, no baby. All you need is you. All you need is you. Those. That magical pixie dust is just meant to umph it. It's just meant to give it some zazzle. It's meant to subconsciously support you in knowing that you already have and are attracting what you are meant to have. Because you see so many times, people are like, but I wrote it on a bay leaf and I burned it on a full moon and I got six bracelets on and I chant every day to the wall, to the west, like. And I'm like, that is all awesome. That's, that's all the, like, seasoning. That's not the steak.
[00:49:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:49:51] Speaker B: And let's be honest, if you were given a plate with like salt, pepper, garlic and rosemary on it, would you be happy? Would she be like, this? This is awesome. Or we'd be like, I ordered a steak and I got the sprinkles on top. The meaty, the nutrient dense part of manifesting is all within you. And all the woo is the stuff we sprinkle on top. And don't get me wrong, I'm a heavy sprinkler. I love it. This stuff makes me awesome. And I am well aware that it is not the thing.
It's not the end all, be all. And people make that the thing that. It's like, if I had one more stone, if I had one more this. And that's not the case. So when people are starting out, I would say, don't even do the woo woo stuff right away because you'll get obsessed with it so quickly.
[00:50:42] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:50:43] Speaker B: And it'll become the cornerstone. And it's not meant to be the cornerstone. It's meant to be the sprinkle on cream.
[00:50:50] Speaker A: Like that goes on top.
[00:50:52] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:50:53] Speaker A: The foundation.
[00:50:54] Speaker B: Yep. And so that's a big thing. And understanding that it is customizable to you is a huge thing. And like, with, with my course that I do, that I offer, it's a six week course. And the last course is Manifesting. And it's all about like, okay, so here's the myths of manifesting, but here's how you do it. Like here, trial and error. Work with this, work with this. And at the very end, we talk a little bit about the woo, but it's like, here's, here's the basics of it, you know, because try for a month singing it and see how you feel. Try a month writing it, see how you feel. There are lots of things that you can do to just start.
I think the other thing is for people who are just starting as much as, again, mainstream says it's as Easy to manifest $1 as it is to manifest a million dollars.
Do you want to know one of the best things that I manifested in my life?
Socks. Bomba. Socks. Still happy. This was a decade ago. Still happy. And it's because I really wanted them and I got them as a birthday gift once. And I've manifested a house, I've manifested a BMW. I have manifested a successful career as a public speaker. And all of that is wonderful and I love it. But start small and celebrate it, because that will validate you so much. Because if I tried to manifest a million dollars first, I'd probably still be doing that. But I started with socks, and look at me, I'm still elated about my socks. So start small and really enjoy it. And then as you manifest more and more, like, I am just as happy about my BMW as I am about my socks, because I had that validation that I'm like, oh, my God, I can do it. Look, they're pink. They're pink.
[00:52:41] Speaker A: I love it. It's almost like, make it a game. Like you're saying, like, start small. Maybe it's just you want to manifest a penny on the sidewalk. Or it's like, because that feels easy, right? That's something I could easily. And then when you do, it's like, cool, like, maybe I can find a quarter next. And then like, really playing with the cosmos and the quantum realm in that way, so that it builds that confidence so that you can feel like, okay, let me try something bigger now, you know? Yeah.
[00:53:11] Speaker B: In a perfect world, in a perfect universe, we are all completely aligned and divine and can manifest instantaneously anything that is aligned with us. Right. That ideally, we are having a human experience and our human ego is real. So, like, start with the penny, start with socks and celebrate it. Don't be like, well, it's not. It's not a mansion. What I wanted was a mansion. It's like, I'm not saying you're not going to get the mansion. I'm saying maybe try a Barbie dollhouse first.
If you're just. Because again, if you're just starting, like you said, if you're just starting a million dollars in a mansion are not going to be the things that you're setting your mind to, because you're going to be so disappointed when you don't get them tomorrow. Yeah.
[00:53:57] Speaker A: And our frequency is going to be so far away from those. That's just the reality of it. It's, if we're living in a hundred dollar, we're gonna find it easier to manifest a hundred dollars than a million. So start where you're gonna set yourself up for success versus to replicate beliefs and ideas that I can't do this.
[00:54:19] Speaker B: Yep. And then have like the physical proof in front of you. Because I think it's really hard for people who are trying to manifest money that they see their bank account and they see that little number and like again, subconsciously they see the little number and they're like, oh, so this, this really is the reality. I only have $500 or however much in my account. And so it's like they can't visualize the million because they have like the physical representation right here.
[00:54:42] Speaker A: Right.
[00:54:43] Speaker B: You know, and it's, that's a hard thing to overcome, you know, when you're just starting to, to get over that hump of like, yeah, this is what my bank account says now, but not for long, you know. So that's how I, I feel about manifesting in general and what I teach people. And I think that it's just, it's a deliciously complex and incredibly satisfying thing to work on with people is how they are creating the reality around them to be the best for their soul. Yeah.
[00:55:14] Speaker A: I love that you mentioned your program a few moments ago. So is that designed to help people learn how to manifest for themselves and not use kind of these like not so great strategies and actually like become the embodiment of this process?
[00:55:34] Speaker B: It is a six week course and it's designed to walk people through all of the intro steps that you need. So it teaches you like, yeah, what is mindfulness and what does that mean to you? And then gives exercises. And it's the same with self care and manifesting and discovering what your intuition looks like. Because I guarantee we are both fabulous. Right. We are both successful, we are both badasses in our industry. We know that. I guarantee our intuition looks different.
[00:56:01] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:56:02] Speaker B: So it's like it's not teaching. This is what intuition looks like. It's teaching.
We're gonna explore what your intuition looks like with a bunch of exercises. So that's, that's the course. It's six weeks. It's incredibly nutrient dense because I actually had my, my beta testers do it and they're like, this is really like a lot of information. And I looked at them and I said, I Could have made it twice as long, easy. I wanted.
[00:56:27] Speaker A: You're like, you're welcome.
[00:56:28] Speaker B: I was like, I. Because again, I don't want it to be pellets.
[00:56:33] Speaker A: I'm not.
[00:56:33] Speaker B: I'm not a pellet kind of person. I wanted it to be actually helpful and give people the tools they need to manifest, to do self care, to follow their intuition. Instead of being like, well, this is what the Internet said in like a 60 second clip. It's like, nope, this is a whole class and it comes with a workbook. There are 140 pages in the workbook for the whole class. Yeah.
[00:56:57] Speaker A: It's a lot of time and energy that you put into that. And I think that what it sounds like to me is that's going to be that program for people that are wanting that quantum leap and to really collapse time instead of trying to like, piecemeal it all together with all of these little honestly kind of irrelevant, almost dangerous principles that are being taught and to just like, let's just do it once the right way, like, get started the right way, learn it, and then become the embodiment of that. That's what it's sounding like to me.
[00:57:29] Speaker B: Yeah. And it's. It's very much for people who are committed. Like, if you don't want to put the time in, don't do it. There are exercises. There is a workbook. Like, there's experiences. So if you're like, no, no, I just want to, like, read a book. It's like, no, I asked you to do shit.
It's like, pause your video. We're about to do an exercise.
[00:57:50] Speaker A: Yeah, well, it's like we talked about earlier with the gym analogy. Like, it's not about. Here, let me just teach you how to do this exercise. We actually need to go do it. We actually need to practice these things because again, in order to manifest, we have to change who we are. And that takes work. It's not, that's not just, oh, I read this. Cool. It's actual action and processes and exercises. So, yeah, it sounds like that avenue for those that are like, I really want to do this and I want to do it right. So I love that. I'd love to get the link for that as well so we can make sure that it's plugged into the description for this podcast so that if anyone feels called to it, they can nag it to round us out.
I want to ask you one last question.
I like to ask this question, in your perspective, what does success look like? Ooh.
[00:58:46] Speaker B: So that is a multifold question for me. So my first answer is success looks like safety. Because in this day and age, like, success means you can make your own decisions. It means you have freedom. It means you can do things. But also success means you can help more people. Success means you can have a global impact. So, like, when I think of, like my success, I very rarely think of money. Like, money is lovely, don't get me wrong. Yay. And I, I, I actually got success before I got money. I had a billboard in Times Square. Before I made more than a hundred thousand dollars a year, I was already in Times Square on billboards and stuff. And it blew my mind. I was like, I thought this went the other way, that money came and then I then a household name. No, not, not for me. Success came first. So that's what it means. It is safety, it is freedom. It's the ability to help other people. It's the ability to have an impact. And those are all things that are really, really important to me. And then after all those things, it's like money.
Like, money. I like money because I like food and I like healing stones. And I'm a very like for myself. Like, oh, how am I going to. I'm a buy new hat.
[00:59:59] Speaker A: Well, money is the ultimate tool for manifest. Manifesting. Right. It's a tool for that. And so we're not working on our energetics to align and allow money to come in. I mean, that's going to limit our manifesting ability. It's not to say it's the only way to manifest things in our reality, but it's a really great tool. And so, yeah, more we have, the more we can manifest.
[01:00:24] Speaker B: Exactly. So that is, I think success is wonderful.
I think it's one of the best things that I've ever done with my life is become successful because it made me feel safe. And to me, that was the most important thing growing up in, in so much trauma was safety. And I didn't realize that success was my key to safety. And then once it happened, I was like, this is awesome.
[01:00:47] Speaker A: Like, what does that feel like? That's wild. This feels amazing.
[01:00:51] Speaker B: This is new and so much fun.
[01:00:54] Speaker A: Yeah, I love that. Well, thank you so much for being here with me today. I've really, really enjoyed getting to know you, having this amazing conversation and yeah, I hope that we can do it again in the future.
[01:01:09] Speaker B: Yes. This is wonderful. Thank you for having me.
[01:01:12] Speaker A: Of course.
