Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hello and welcome to today's episode of the Intuitive Femme Network. We are here today with very special guest, Dr. Christina Lauk. And she is going to be talking us through lots of different things, especially wounds pertaining to our mother.
[00:00:27] Speaker B: Hi.
[00:00:29] Speaker A: Tell us about yourself.
[00:00:31] Speaker B: Hi. So I am a licensed mental health clinician in the state of Washington. I have a PhD from Saybrook University in clinical psychology. Saybrook University is great. It's a humanistic school. So my background is in humanistic philosophy, which means really I just trying to get people to their best self. I work with women and men and anybody who wants to come see me. But mainly we're dealing with ADHD and trauma. And it could be trauma that relates leads to attachment wounds from. From our parents and for women, often that is attachment wounds from our mother and some dark night of the soul, some spiritual seeking and that with therapy and with hypnosis. And I also do some energy work.
[00:01:14] Speaker A: Yeah, I love that. I love that. You're kind of bridging the gap. Right. Because we, we usually see this line in the sand of like psychology and spirituality. And you're kind of helping to bridge that gap because they. They definitely do work together synergistically when applied properly.
[00:01:33] Speaker B: Yeah. You know, it comes from my education. So my education at Saybrook really was in biopsychosocial, spiritual. And so it was already integrated into my education and my training. And so I was so lucky to see that we as humans, we cannot treat just our mind. We cannot treat just our emotions or our bodies. It is all encompassing. It is not just mind, body. It is mind, body, spirit. And if we can incorporate all of those, then we can actually feel the healing that's happening to us.
[00:02:03] Speaker A: I totally agree. It's very holistic. I see this a lot where it's trying to focus on one aspect and we're not adjusting everything. And I think that that's probably where people get stuck because it feels very overwhelming where they feel like they have to change everything about their life in order to see results.
Yes and no. Right. It's like we do, but we also don't have to like overwhelm ourselves with that. It is definitely a step by step process. And I think we get stuck in this idea that if we want to see change, it has to happen like right now instead of really appreciating those small wins and those small victories. Because that's how we build a bridge. Right. One piece at a time, not just the whole big thing.
[00:02:52] Speaker B: Oh, you're so right. It is this ladder. We're Climbing and we can't do it all at once. And we wouldn't know what's next if we didn't do the first step. And so oftentimes and the first step is individualized, some people come in and it's, I got to change my thinking. Great, let's start there. So we're going to change your thinking, but then we're going to change how you're feeling. Then we're going to change how your, your somatic feel and then we're going to go up the ladder. You know, so everybody has a first rung that's different. Let's find that first rung and then we just. The next thing will organically lead and then you'll know what's next. Then I need to finally get to, you know, maybe your spirit's next, maybe your body's next. But then you get up the ladder and then you're this whole healed person. Um, yeah. But it is very step wise and gradual.
[00:03:34] Speaker A: I love that because this is where I've seen with my clients where people come in and they get stuck in that like over analysis paralysis. Right. That perfectionism. Because they feel like they have to have it all figured out before they can take any other steps. And it's like, that's just not how it happens. Like we are shown the next step once we take the first step and then it's like the next. It's like the path appears in front of us as we take. It's never just going to be here. It all is. I mean, I know that's not been my case. I don't know anybody who's had that. Unless maybe they have that special gift where they remember their pre planning session before they coordinate. I certainly don't. I know for me, I get intuitive guidance or listening to the intuitive guidance and I take action on it. Then the next step is revealed to.
[00:04:28] Speaker B: Yeah. I tell clients all the time, stop looking at the destination. You're obsessed with the destination. That is not life. Life is the journey. Stop, enjoy it, smell the roses, and then watch the next step unfold and be grateful that you're able to witness that. But we're so focused on the end that we miss our whole life. And so we got to set our goals. You know, take a look at the end, enjoy the path, because it is the journey.
[00:04:55] Speaker A: I think that that's a big part of the struggle with mental health these days especially. It's like, you're so right. Everything is very destination focused. And this is why no one ever feels Satisfied. No one ever feels like they've done enough because there's always a new destination, a new destination. Instead of appreciating, where did I come from? What am I experiencing? How much have I expanded? And so I'm thinking about this, actually, as we're talking about that, and I know we had talked a little bit about the mother wound and some special aspects around that, that. That you're on. And that's kind of what I'm thinking might be a part of that, where it's like, always trying to be enough. Because when we were children, a lot of us never felt like we were enough because we didn't have a mom that was able to give us that mirrored feedback of being enough.
[00:05:48] Speaker B: Right. And I also want to layer a different level of complexity onto this as being somebody with adhd. Layer on to that, too. The feeling growing up as a neurodiverse kid of society, never seeing us as being enough, you know, never trying hard enough. You're always late. Why can't you? Why can't you? Why can't you? And so whether it's your mother or society, it's the same wound.
It's that unmet need for nurturance and guidance and protection from those that you think are going to protect you.
[00:06:17] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. I think that that's something that a lot of women can relate to. I personally can. That's been a journey of my own, is working on healing that for myself, feeling like I was enough. And I. Even as I went through my own spiritual journey, my dark night of the soul, as we had talked about, we start to see these patterns, right. We start to see this stuff. And I started seeing where even in my own personal relationships and even in jobs where I was trying to play out this wound of constantly trying to get this acceptance from people that were not capable of giving that to me. And it's because I think that there's that saying, it's like the mind will repeat what the heart wants to heal. It's like we subconsciously keep recreating these scenarios because that's what feels familiar to us. Right. It's like, oh, this relationship feels familiar. So let me fall into this and hopefully I'll prove to them that I'm enough and that'll somehow magically, like, make up for all. All the others in the past that I felt like it wasn't enough for.
[00:07:25] Speaker B: Yeah. And it's unfortunate because it leads to these. These terrible symptoms of this, like, chronic loneliness, this emptiness, emotion, dysregulation, because we're just feeling so empty inside or our self worth is shot, or our boundaries are loosey goosey and we let people all over us or we eat too much, you know, we're looking for all these external, you know, devices to supplement that, that unmet need, you know, and so it goes so deep and it is so devastating to people that experience that because. And you're experiencing it, but you're still seeking. Yeah, it's so confusing.
[00:08:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:08:07] Speaker B: To go through that mother wound.
[00:08:09] Speaker A: Yeah, I agree. And you, you had introduced me to a term of like the mother hunger. I mean, you told me about the book that you had found with that such a term because it is, it is that hunger. It's like this. Please love me, please see that I'm enough. Please recognize my talent. Please be that person that finally makes me feel seen.
And when we're seeking that, it puts us unfortunately in a place of desperation instead of us being in a place of empowerment. So we seek relationships, place of.
Again, I'll say it like, we'll say want, maybe like want and desperation versus, Or I'm sorry, from a place of need where we feel like, I need this, I need to have this, I need to have this partner, I need to have this person versus being in pleasure and want. So forgive me, I misspoke there for a second. But that want energy is very different because it's like, well, I want this and I'm wanting this from a place of desire because it feels good. And so therefore our standards are very different because we want what we want. Right. And so we're not going to settle for less than that. But when we're in that, I need this, I need that boyfriend, I need this person to love me. Why won't they love me? Why didn't they choose me over that person? That is very damaging to us and our lives in so many ways. Because that hunger just feels so unsatisfied.
[00:09:44] Speaker B: Yeah. And consuming. So mother hunger, the term was coined by Kelly McDaniel and she has a book, and it's a fabulous book. So if you're interested, mother hunger, Kelly McDaniel, you know, she really explores those three core needs that were those, those, those inner hungers of being, you know, nurturance, that emotional and physical care, you know, that, that, that love, that unconditional love, protection, that need for the sense of safety and stability and the guidance. Oh, this one is the one I think is so devastating for a lot of us. The adult woman, that healthy relational role modeling with emotion regulation. I see so many women that are constantly looking for a mentor. And I'm like, no, you're looking for a mother. Really what that is, it's this deep desire and this hunger for it. And they don't, they can't recognize it or they don't feel safe. They get in these relationships that aren't safe because they don't feel safe.
[00:10:39] Speaker A: Right.
[00:10:39] Speaker B: Even though it's safe or stability even feels like. So those deep, deep, you know, wounds that just stem from just attachment deficits in that early, those early developmental years.
[00:10:53] Speaker A: So what would you say? And I know we have to be mindful, you know, as, as a doctor, we're making sure that we're keeping this conversational. We don't want to any boundaries of, you know, trying to give therapy or advice in that way on, on the podcast. But as, as someone who is just educated and aware in this, how would you suggest someone might start working on feeding that hunger themselves so that they can end these cycles that are repeating in their life, seeking outside of themselves instead of filling themselves up totally.
[00:11:31] Speaker B: I have several actual steps that can actually get somebody going today to find the help they need. And a lot of it can actually be stuff you can do on yourself. So step number one is you need to be really honest with yourself and acknowledge the wound. You need to recognize it and validate it as an unmet need. Stop running away from it, stop hiding from it, and stop thinking you're not good enough to have your needs met. You are good enough to have your needs met. So let's recognize it. The second one is we're going to be reparenting, right? We've got to reparent an inner child. So cultivate self compassion, self nurturance, some inner mothering of yourself, right? So we're going to start developing some compassion for our inner child, that wounded inner child. Then when you're ready to go out and like maybe seek a therapist or a hypnotherapist, you know, go for hypnotherapy, find somebody to do inner child work. EMDR is great for this to change, to start to repattern some of those neural networks and to get both sides of your brain talking at the same time. Somatic therapy get into our body, right? Super, super huge attachment focused therapies. Because this is an attachment wound. If we really want to look at it in clinical terms, it is an attachment wound. Something that you can do starting today. Start to cultivate supportive friendships. Find people that actually make you feel safe, stable, and can lead to those unmet needs and Then the elephant in the room. Spiritual and energetic practices connect to your higher self. You know, look into those divine mother archetypes. Maybe it's time for you to find your warrior, your Athena in you and then some soul level healing, right? So dive in, dive deep.
[00:13:11] Speaker A: I love that. I love the idea of really working on like the self mothering. It's like we need to become what we needed really for ourself. And I get that, that, that can be very challenging when it's like, but I really desire this from someone else. And it's like, I get it, I've been there. I'm sure a lot of listeners have probably been there. But when it comes to that being in that again, that more desperate need energy, it's.
We're attracting the wrong people. We're typically going to attract those people that are looking for someone who is in a more desperate, you know, more like narcissistic people. The ones who want to take advantage of people, use people, manipulate them. And then we're like, why does this keep happening to me, right? Why do I keep dating narcissists? Why do I keep having bosses that don't appreciate me? And I know this was a question I kept asking myself even. And then I had to come to that point where I'm recognizing. It's like, oh, because that's what feels normal to me. That's just what feels to me. And so therefore that's what I'm attracted to. Coming into that realization of that, that was a huge eye opener. And I had to start asking myself, like, why is that attractive to me? Like, what is, what is interesting about this? And it was, it was like, almost like that saying, like we get addicted to the drama, right? It's like this high in our body where it's like, I'm not enough. Let me keep trying. Maybe this time if I do this, it'll be enough. And then like, so we get all built up and it's like this weird chemical soup that we, we start feeding in, but it feels very familiar to us. It's that energy of struggle, energy of I have to prove myself. It's that energy of almost like I feel like too, we become kind of like toxically independent in a way because we're like, no, I can do this. I can, I can show you. I can be that person. And then we're over delivering and then completely burning out. And that is not a good energy for the feminine at all because we're meant to be nurturers as well. So then we see Other aspects of our life falling apart. It's just this mess, really.
[00:15:32] Speaker B: Yeah, and you said it really perfectly. It's familiar. We go to the familiar and, you know, like attracts, like. And when we're in low energy, we're going to attract low energy and then we're going to get our. We're going to find ourselves in a cycle, and it's the same cycle we've been in since we were young kids. And the key is to, you know, wake up in the cycle and then make an intentional conscious effort to break the cycle. You know, when we do that by, you know, understanding the intergenerational trauma that's at play that, you know, this isn't at anybody's fault. You've landed here because of whatever the situation is. Right. But if we consciously break the cycle now, we're breaking that cycle now for future generations. And I see so many women that are like, they don't want to break the cycle. I can't. I can't leave the husband because I can't afford it on the my own. I have too many children and I can't manage all of this. I can't do it because I don't trust I could, you know, and there's just so much fear. And. Yeah, I need to always remind these women, but you're. You're just perpetuating a cycle that your mom perpetuated to you, that your grandma perpetuated to her. And at some point we have to. We have to make some bold moves as women. And I think it takes us women coming together to support each other so we can help each other make these big bold moves.
[00:16:47] Speaker A: Yeah, there, there's definitely the synergy. And I don't know if you've looked into it or are familiar with that kind of witch wound energy, that inherited trauma of that persecution. And like, we do have this programming within us that we have to be kind of subservient. We have to put our needs and our wants below, especially the masculine. Because for so long, if we rocked the boat, it was catastrophic. It was not a small thing. It was getting burned or drowned or cast out or beaten or. I mean, these were very drastic consequences for stepping into our power to assert ourself in any way. And so it makes so much sense that this would be challenging. Right. It would make so much that we would struggle to feel like it's okay to embark on a new path, in a new purpose and step into our authority and empowered energy. It's. It makes sense. It's like, hey, we've seen this through time. And maybe I'm not sure what your perspective is on past lives, but for those that ascribe to that idea, like, maybe we have that within us from past lives, or we have some stored memories that were inherited from our ancestors that keep us locked into this year of, oh, my gosh, like, I can't. If I do, something catastrophic will happen. So I think the value of what you're talking about is really like, we have to admit these fears to ourselves. We have to admit how we're showing up, why we're doing that. It's like the first step in anything, right? It's like even like aa, right? It's like I'm so and so and I'm an alcoholic, right? It's like we have to say this. We have to just acknowledge it and with so much love and compassion and no judgment. Because you said we've inherited this, We've inherited it. It's not our fault. But unfortunately, at this point, it is our responsibility to heal it because it's ours.
[00:19:03] Speaker B: And you speak to this bigger picture that a lot of us don't realize, and it is that past life picture. You know, we look at this, this life, this intergenerational trauma. Oh, yeah, that's one thing. But you're carrying also with you trauma and relationships from I don't even know how many lives that are stemming through.
I tried to also look at it in a lens through, like, Carolyn Mace. I don't know if you're familiar with her work and sacred contracts where in that inner life, you know, we, we go, okay, I need to learn this, and I'm going to connect with certain, you know, souls to make that happen.
So there's empowerment there that we had some control coming into this life. But what we don't have control is the resonant pain from the traumas that come in with it. So we might come into this life wanting to. I want to learn how to deal with rejection. Well, that's great, but I'm all. I don't know, I might be bringing in trauma from, you know, two lifetimes ago where I lost a tribe and I couldn't find a tribe. So now I'm constantly searching for a tribe. And in this life, I have all of that trauma with me. And so as women, that witch wound is so real, you know, because I like to believe that I've incarnated female many, many lives because that energy just feels right with me.
But I feel that witch wound.
[00:20:24] Speaker A: I feel it.
[00:20:25] Speaker B: I feel it from Gen, you know, lives upon lives upon lives. And so I think that if you really want to dive in super deep, you know, go back to whatever lives you can remember. And lives you can remember are usually the lives that hold the healing. So you're not going to remember all your past lives, but the ones that do come up are the ones that, you know, your higher self is saying, hey, here's the. Here's the kernel of healing. If you can only find it in this.
[00:20:49] Speaker A: Yeah, there's that connection. I say that where it's like the magic lies within the wound, right? It's like there's a reason for it. My whole coaching career started because of past life memories that I have. I had started remembering a past life when I was seven years old, and I would sit in front of my nightlight and just, like, pray to this man who I had a memory of that had been of my husband in a past life. And I was so confused. I remember feeling that where I was like, why am I here? What is going on? And now I understand that it was at that age, right, where our brain starts to become aware, right? We're in this. Whereas. And then it was like, I woke up and I'm like, what the. Like, what. What is happening? Like, why am I here? Like, where did you go? What is going on? Who are these people? It was this really difficult moment for me, and it. It haunted me my whole life because I couldn't talk to anyone about it. I grew up in a very Christian household where I knew even at that age, it was like, don't talk about this. That would not be accepted. It was not safe to talk about.
And so that just kind of stayed in my body for my whole life, really, until I got into my early 30s and I started really digging into it because of a breakup that I went through. And I feel like we have those moments, those, like, catalyst moments where it kind of activates something within us, right? And so through that, I started remembering these memories again. I've suppressed them so much, and it was like they were just coming up out of nowhere. And I was like, oh, my gosh. So that's when I started actually learning about past lives, learning about past life regressions. I never even heard about this. I never even been exposed. And then it. They. They just kept coming and coming, and I started learning and understanding more. And I wrote a book about it. And the. The books on the shelf behind me, the first two of a trilogy inspired by those memories about two people in this lifetime that had been separated in a past life that find each other again. And so I wrote that, the first book, and I called it Witches Wound, and I put it out, and I started getting messages from people saying, like, I. I have this. I have memories like that, too. And I've never talked to anybody. And I'm like, what? Like, why are we not talking about this more? And it was so terrifying, honestly, for me to even put it out there, because I was like, I'm gonna get persecuted, right? Like, people are gonna think I'm crazy for. For sharing this. But more and more, it was, like, made space for people to say, me too, me too. And then everything kind of just transpired from there, and I stepped into this. This realm of coaching, and it's just wild how things like that transpire and play out when we start actually admitting, right? When we start acknowledging allowing in. Yeah, it's like that. Like we said before, the steps start to show themselves. I would never have imagined that I would write the book and then start building, you know, a huge coaching empire. That was never in my mind. But the steps showed themselves as I got brave and started acknowledging these things that were coming up for me. So it's. It's just so fascinating how you were saying, like, that wound carries that gift in it. Like, it has that nugget, that kernel of what we need to start moving on our path. But we have to be willing to look at it. We have to be willing to sit with it. I think that's a big thing, is that avoidance of sitting with it so much.
[00:24:35] Speaker B: Yeah. The bravery to sit with it. You know, you speak so. So eloquently about how, as we're young, we are able to see beyond the veil. And it's so unfortunate. And I have a similar experience where, you know, I came in and I had two. I don't want to be here, and I don't want to come back.
[00:24:51] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh.
[00:24:55] Speaker B: I don't want to be here. Why am I back? And so. But then you have the familial religions, right? And for me, it was a fan of Christianity. And then they put these shields over your eyes, and. But yet you have all this discomfort. Like, I kept feeling like, I'm a hypocrite, I'm a liar. This. This makes me feel like. This Christianity makes me feel like I'm a big fat liar and there's nothing I could do. And. And I always felt like I was a Buddhist. I must have been like a Buddhist monk in a past life, because even young child, I'm like, but I'm not.
I was here before. I don't want to be back. I want to be enlightened. I'm not. I don't want to be here. And so when I finally. I finally deconstructed from religion, I was able to construct my spirituality, and it felt the plaque fell from my eyes. I was able to access my past lives. I was able to be like, to my spirit guide. Like, hey, nice to see you again. It's been a while. I was way more connected to spirit as a child. Like, I. I could talk to them and have conversations, and, you know, you can think it was an imaginary friend, but I was more aware of them. And then religion just shut that down.
But, yeah, I feel more authentic now as. Now as I feel I. And I don't. People can judge me. I'm at the point now. People have judged me my whole life. I have adhd. You thought I was late. You thought I didn't have it together. You can also judge me for my belief in past lives. There you go.
[00:26:13] Speaker A: I start. I feel like we get to a point, and I. The more I've studied stuff with, like, the feminine and, like, how our hormones change and stuff. When we start hitting 35 and we're going through, like, the perimenopause stage, all of this, it's like, it's all connected, and it's part of what makes us women and amazing. But there's something that happens. I feel like once we hit that age, and it's like our give a meter just kind of, like, just plummets. Like, we're like, I'm. I'm done. I'm gonna be me. And you can either accept it or not. And our tolerance for, like, the trolls and the different stuff like that, it just doesn't hit us the same way. It still is scary. It still hurts. There's still this part. It's like, oh, gosh, you know, it does not feel good. But we really start stepping into this. This is who I am energy. And it's too suffocating to not be it, so I just have to be it. And you can either take it or leave it kind of vibe.
[00:27:14] Speaker B: Yeah. And as we get older, we're so much more okay with if they want to leave it. Right. You know, we're so much more able to create these boundaries in our life for the toxic people and not constantly be the people pleaser that we might have been in our 20s. Right. Or even early 30s.
[00:27:32] Speaker A: Yeah, it's definitely 20s. That is a really Tough time to really finding yourself. And those early 30s as well. Even in. In the 30s, I'm 38, and so it's like I feel like I am moving into that more where it's like, I need to start owning myself. And I understand it's going to upset some people. And even in my own business, like, it's challenging as healers and as practitioners who are called to help heal and support. There's this, you shouldn't charge for that, or you shouldn't charge high ticket or you should do this. And lots of this energy. And that's something that I personally have been working on where it's like, look, I know the value of what I bring, and that's the value of it. And so it's going to be for some people and it's not going to be for others. And so stepping into that voice and that power, it's upsetting some people that have been like me and my audience. But this is part of the journey too, that I've come to acknowledge.
When we're breaking out of those, you know, the mother hunger, where it's like, I have to have these people approve of me energy. And we're starting to step into our own purpose, into our own calling. We're going to have to acknowledge that it is going to upset some people, but those people are not our people if they're upset. And it's like coming to that understanding and saying, okay, like, thanks for revealing yourself. Thanks for that feedback. Now I can step into a space where I can find more people. I was even having a conversation with my daughter about this earlier today about we have to be really mindful who we hang out with because we will become the culmination of those people that we're hanging out with. And so we're stepping into an energy. Of course old things are going to fall away because we're just no longer a match to that. And we're going to trigger them. They're going to get upset because we're. We're kind of challenging them to rise and they're not ready. And that's okay. We have to be really, really mindful of those relationships because we're either playing out old cycles or we're consciously creating into our reality. Like, those are really our two choices. And when we become conscious through that dark night of the soul and we start seeing these patterns and do the work, like the processes that you shared and tapping into that there is that very challenging. It's like the Velcro ripping off is what I'M seeing in my mind where it's like, it's like, oh, that was uncomfortable. But it has to be done, otherwise we're gonna just continue to perpetuate. We won't be able to move and we're gonna be stuck.
[00:30:07] Speaker B: Yeah, you're so right. And the Velcro is such a great image because it really symbolizes that it's possible to come apart, but it's also painful. It's a painful process. And I'll use your example that you brought in to kind of like illustrate how we can start to make changes in ourselves. You know, first of all, like how much we charge for our services. There's a lot of bias out in the world. And this is where our feminine energy needs to come in. Because my question, because it happens to me all the time too. I'll have people wanting all my specialties but want me to have a sliding scale that is almost like below minimum wage. I'm like, what, you want me to have a PhD and you want me to be specializing in this and you want me to have, and you want.
[00:30:45] Speaker A: Me to be available ourselves? It's like, no, no.
[00:30:50] Speaker B: Then on the flip side of it, they'll go see a man medical doctor and be willing to pay whatever they want for it. And go. But of course. So one thing is where, why do we have to put this price on healing where one healing is better than the other healing? It comes down to self respect. So I respect myself and my time and my skills. And if you want me to do this for this much, I'm going to say no. And I'm not going to feel bad about that. You need, I'm not the person for you.
[00:31:20] Speaker A: Right.
[00:31:20] Speaker B: But we oftentimes are jumping at it. Well, I'll say, yeah, okay, okay, okay.
[00:31:25] Speaker A: That need energy. Right.
[00:31:28] Speaker B: They're hunger. I have this of safety and stability. I will rather take your $10 than the, than the, the whatever I charge over here because this will actually pay my bills.
[00:31:38] Speaker A: Right.
[00:31:39] Speaker B: I'm so desperate for that, that acceptance.
[00:31:41] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:31:42] Speaker B: But I'm willing to take this and let my electricity go get shut off.
[00:31:46] Speaker A: And then we're self righteous in that. It's like that part again. It's like that addicted to that energy that we get where it's like, like I, I'm, I'm doing the right thing or I'm being good or I'm approved of by these people. And it's like for what though? Like what, what are we really doing here? Because it's the feminine we need to Rise back up. Like, we are needed more in the world. I mean, look at our. Our government. Look at CEOs. Like, how many women are in these positions? They're not. And I. We can see that things are pivoting because now it's like colleges. I think it's like, 70% are female now. Like, it's like the feminine is like, hey, we're gonna rise up. And masculine is kind of getting left behind, unfortunately, because they haven't focusing on pushing us down. Right, right. They're like, wait, wait, don't disrupt the system. It's been working for us. And we're like, I'm sorry, dude. Like, we're gonna. We're gonna do our thing. You can either rise with us, or you're gonna get left behind kind of vibe. But, yeah, it's. It's this very interesting shift that we are in right now because this is our generation where the significant shift is happening. Like, even finding out that I was 2 years old when women could legally own a business, that happened in my lifetime.
[00:33:09] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:33:10] Speaker A: Yeah. This is stuff like, my grandmother was alive when the last woman was burned at the stake. You know, it's like, we. We think that this stuff is so old, and it.
[00:33:23] Speaker B: It's not.
[00:33:24] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. And that's why it's so deeply in our bodies. And so we have to have these conversations where it's like, honey, it's okay to charge your worth, because if a man was charging this, no one would question.
No one would question them. I've seen this too. I was having this conversation with one of my clients where we were talking about men in. In the energetic space and how, like, people pay them, like, in the healing space, and in that. And it's like, they're not even connected like women are. They don't even have access to what we have access to. But because they're men, it's just like, oh, yeah, I'll pay you. It's fine. And so there's this really interesting energy, and it's coming from healers. Right. It's still coming from the very people that are needing to, like, be the pivot. It's just so fascinating to observe all of it, to see where people are in their journey, because I know for me, at some point, I was like, I can't believe they're charging that much for this. And now I'm like, gosh, I can't believe they only charge that for that. Right. It's like, shift as we step into our power and recognize, like, I am Worthy of being paid what a man would be paid, without question.
And I love that point that you just brought up, because it's like, we're getting a result, we're getting a result. And so, like, what is it worth to you? Just because a man is doing it now, it's worth more.
[00:35:00] Speaker B: Right, Right. And you bring up a really good point about a lot of this being perpetuated by healers. And this is. I, I, this is my mantra. And I've been saying this now for the past six months, so something triggered me. But I'm telling everybody, healer, heal myself. Healer, heal by self. I'm seeing way too many healers that need to heal thyself.
[00:35:18] Speaker A: Do the work.
[00:35:19] Speaker B: Because when you start to do the work, like, you start to make the change, and then you start to see the shift. And then you're, like, not questioning, well, the woman's charging the same as the man. Well, of course, because you've healed that inner trauma, that inner patriarchal, like, dominant trauma in you. But, yeah. So I think that as healers, we need to start. And I'm always blown away by who doesn't do the work. Like, I, I work in the ADHD field, and I work, I see ADHD therapists that have adhd, and I'm like, dude, are you even doing the skills? Like, you're late. You're, you're unorganized. Do you have a to do list?
Do the stuff you're teaching your clients to do, so then we can put a better face forward. But we got to do the inner work before we do the outer work.
[00:36:01] Speaker A: With other people, too. And that, that's something that I, I'll be completely honest, I pride myself on, because I can look back even a year ago and then two years ago at old videos or old content, and I'm like, damn, I have grown. Like, I, I have expanded and I've done the work. I am proof that I do what I teach and that it works. Right? With the mindset shifting and having to really hold ourselves accountable for how we're showing up. Like, it does work. And I'll see this so much too, though, with people that, that do. They say they're healers, but they're, they're still getting caught up in, like, collective energy and, like, collective fear and, you know, just all of this stuff, especially around, not to get into politics, and I don't want to get into politics, but with the shift of leadership, like, the amount of just discord, when it's like, we're, we're Meant to hold the light. Like, we have to have faith, we have to trust. We have to be in a space where we're leading and leading from a place of, hey, we still have power. No matter who is in power, we still can make a difference. No matter what world leader is in, what position, we like, we're still here. And if we're seeing something, then we should be inspired by it to say, oh, I'm being called up even more. I need to be more in my power. I need to be more out there helping and awakening and healing and inspiring. So it's like, I agree. We'll just say that heal or heal thyself. Like, be what you preach. Like, be that. And it's obvious to me, like, who does and who doesn't at this point. And I feel like that's something with the collective. With this year, I think there's just going to be so much that comes to light. It's like you can't fake being healed. Like, that's one thing. Like, you just. You can't. Like, there's no.
There's no way to do it. Like, you can't. That is one can't fake.
[00:38:08] Speaker B: Yeah. It's like the imagery of moths to a flame. If you are healed, you are the flame. And if you are healed, why are you repelling? Right. All the moths that are coming to you and you bring up this really powerful point. And I just really want to, like, I want to reframe it and, like, highlight it. Earlier, we talked about the witch wound and how, like, that trauma can come. Right. We also have a big, huge reservoir of female, like, power energy, like that ancestral energy that goes so far back, all the way back, that we can actually pull upon for our strength in times like this where there is this big, huge surge away from the feminine, we need to pull on that energy so that our flame is now like a lighthouse spotlighting down. And so all the boats now are going to be coming to us. That's what we need to do. We need to call ourselves down.
[00:39:03] Speaker A: Yes. It's like that's how we have to. We have to be in a space where we're looking at stuff and saying, okay, like, if I'm seeing things that concern me or I see something that's shifting and, you know, who knows? We, yes, a lot of us have psychic ability, but let's be real. When it comes to psychic ability, not many of us are fortune tellers. Okay. Psychic abilities are not what people say in Hollywood. Right. And so no one has this, like, Magic glass ball to say, well, this is going to be bad or this is going to be good. It's going to be what it's going to be, right? And we still have this ability to affect change around us. And so anytime we see anything in our environment, whether it's, you know, a group of people that are rising up, that we're like, whoa, this is not in alignment, or different things going on globally. I mean, whatever it is, right? I mean, we even saw this with like the hurricanes coming to Florida, where it's like we could either be like, oh, no, it's the end of the world, you know, like the sky is falling kind of thing, or we can stand and go, wow, we're really being called up. We're being asked to rise so that we can change this. I know a lot of healers that came together to work to protect Florida during that and to try to help, like, change the course of the storm and stuff. And I'm like, that's amazing. Like, this is what we should be doing with that reservoir of power. We should be tuning into stuff, taking the feedback and saying, what is this asking from me to be called up? And it certainly is not fear or fear mongering. Like, it is certainly not that. And that's with anything. And it's not saying, again, I'm completely apolitical, I don't, like, I don't have a part of it. But it shouldn't matter, right? It shouldn't matter. We can observe what's happening, but we should still be able to be in a space where we can hold the line. If that makes sense.
[00:40:59] Speaker B: Yeah, yes, makes great sense. A lot of people right now in the political climate, they're turning their back on one or the other. And I'm like, no, people are broken. We are healers. This is what we do, Right? This is what we do. We don't get to choose who we heal. We just need to trust our intuition and follow our intuition and we heal the people that we are meant to heal. That is part of our contract, why we're here. So. But this is a time where it is great healing is needed and we need to really join all of our energy together, pull our energy together so we can have this collective intuition as, as an organized, you know, energy body.
[00:41:38] Speaker A: Start the healing, collective consciousness. It will help bring again more to the surface. It will help diminish the veil, like you said, the plaque on the eyes. Even by us doing that and standing and being in that power. And that's really what affects Change, because let's be real, a healed world, there isn't chaos, nobody's trying to rob each other. When you're healed, you know, people aren't hurting each other. Like, this is the key. So if we're concerned, like, it just tells us like, this is what I need to be doing more. That's how I can affect a change. And by being in that power, it has that massive ripple effect. And I think that that too kind of goes back to whether we're in a mother, hunger, energy, where it's like external, or we've come into the space of saying, I am the mother, I am the divine creatrix, here to nurture, here to create something beautiful, because I have that power. Instead of looking at every external force and saying, this is affecting me, like this, this is going to do this, this is going to do this.
What am I going to do? Who am I? What power do I have now? What am I going to do this? This is that shift that we really need to be stepping in. I've been reading a book called the Gap and the Gain and it's by Dan Sullivan and another like Benjamin something. And they, they talk about where it's like, we can either be in the gap, where we're looking at all the negative, or we can be in the game where we're looking at what's working. What did I learn from this? How is this working for me? And I feel like there's so much power in that. I'm like, yeah, like how often have we looked at something be like, that didn't work the way that I wanted to or that is reminding me of this or this is upsetting or blah, blah, blah. Or we can look at it and say, okay, so what do I need to do different? What did I learn from this situation? How do I make it better next time? You know, like even when we do a business launch or when we apply for a job or when we're wanting to get into a school or something and maybe we get shut down, we can either nothing ever works for me, right? Or we can step into it and say, okay, why? What do I need to do better? What do I, how can I learn? What skills do I need to develop so that my resume is just kick ass? What, what do I need to do so that I can get into this school? Like, do I need to try to write an academic paper with someone? Do I need to go in and do whatever it is, right? Like we can learn from the feedback and choose what do I do now? Or we can choose to do nothing. Like, this is. This is our power, though. This is. That's. That's what it comes like, am I staying in a cycle or am I consciously creating a reality that I want to be a part of?
[00:44:31] Speaker B: Yeah. You know, it goes back to that. That attachment wound of instability and not feeling safe and that, you know, being in the gap, that's. That instability and not feeling safe. Well, for some reason, we've normalized that and it feels comfortable to us, and we need to find discomfort in that. Right. Because once we find discomfort in that gap, that's going to then motivate us to finding our power and then using our power then to bring safety and stability and all that stuff that we need. But we have to start to step number one, stop being comfortable in, you know, instability and no safety.
[00:45:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:45:07] Speaker B: You know, be discomforted in that. That is icky, you know, and then that'll push you to where that you want to motivate that it does feel.
[00:45:14] Speaker A: Comfortable, even though it's, like, familiarity that's familiar.
[00:45:20] Speaker B: Yeah, I know.
[00:45:22] Speaker A: Why do we do this? Why do we stay? This is. This is something that I have learned so much, even just over the last, like, three months of. If my reality is not a reflection of what I desire, then it's something going on up here. Like, there's something going on there. And I'm not going to be hard on myself. I'm not going to judge myself. I'm not going to be like, stupid Nancy, why can't you? No, it's a. I have to really pay attention to what I'm thinking, to what I'm believing, because something is out of alignment, something in my beliefs and my frequency and my vibration is out of frequency, is out of integrity with what I want. And so I need to try to find that thing. I need to be open to seeing it and holding myself accountable for how I'm showing up in that. And it. It's been such a.
I said, like, such a beautiful thing. Because when we can start taking that accountability and start recognizing, like, wow, I really do have so much more power over my life than I thought.
Like, it. It's like this huge shift. It's so empowering if we're ready to hold that much power and recognize that we have that much power, because it's. It's kind of scary, too, where it's like, wait, what? Like, I'm. I've really been creating this, like, crap, you know, like, okay, like, what do I need to do? But recognizing that it's like, my gosh. Okay, so if I'm creating this, I can create something different and I just have to figure out where I need to tweak that frequency. I think that that's so cool. Like, honestly, it's really cool.
[00:47:09] Speaker B: Freedom. It's freedom to live the life you are meant to live. But that insecure, I mean, it really does go back to those early attachment wounds because that insecurity goes back to that, like, low self esteem, you know, that lack of confidence that. Oh, but what if I make the wrong decision? Oh, oh, I'm trusting my intuition. But what if my intuition's lying to me? What if it's really not my intuition, it's just me talking to myself. All of those, those negative loops that we find ourselves in.
[00:47:36] Speaker A: Yeah. And it's a process. It's a process to get out of that. I mean, even as someone who's done so much work on that, there's still times when my intuition tells me to do something and then I get upset because I'm like, that didn't work. And then I have to catch myself where I'm like, nancy, you don't have enough data to make that assertion. Like, you can't say that didn't work because you have no idea what is being created and what chain reaction has started in the background. So this is where it's been a pivot for me personally, where I'm like, if my intuition told me to do it, it's working. Period. Like, it's working. And I'm going to start intentionally looking for evidence of that. Because what we get attention to grows. Right. So it's like. And this is how we start to trust ourselves. This is how we start to. I'm saying, okay, I'll trust my intuition, but I'm gonna intentionally look for evidence that it was wrong. Right. You know, like, how are we gonna build trust within ourselves?
[00:48:40] Speaker B: Right. When you're always looking for the negative. Yeah, yeah. But this also brings back to what we were talking about before. That attachment to the outcome, that focus on the destination.
[00:48:50] Speaker A: Yes, I thought it should. So therefore it didn't work or it didn't work.
[00:48:55] Speaker B: Right.
[00:48:56] Speaker A: And it's like higher self is like.
[00:48:57] Speaker B: Tapping you on the shoulder going, but the outcome wasn't that. The outcome's over there. Yes, it did work. And we're. But we're so blinded because we're like, but that's what I wanted. But that's not what you needed. You might have wanted it, but we want. We. There's oftentimes we want stuff that is not what we need and what's going to benefit us.
[00:49:14] Speaker A: Yeah. Looks very different. And this is something I work with, with mindset work, right. Where it's like we have to let go of the map kind of idea. Like there is a map, but we have to trust that the steps do reveal themselves as we go. Because if we've already plotted it out in our brain, like, kids do this a lot, right. This is why they have trouble regulating themselves, because they get an idea. So my birthday party is going to. We're going to do this and then it's going to happen like this, and then there's going to be this, and then it's going to be like this. And they. In their mind, they've conceptualized every aspect. Like it's a board game and every person is a little figurine. Or it's like people are people. They're going to have behaviors. Somebody might not come because they're sick. Some things are going to happen and we have to be able to be in flow and adapt to that and trust and acknowledge that. Okay, this isn't going the way that I had thought it would.
Great. Like, I'm excited to still get to the outcome. I need to trust what's happening with this and allow it to be. It needs to become. This is like baking a cake. You know, sometimes it still looks soggy while. And you're like, oh, but we gotta trust the process.
[00:50:29] Speaker B: It hardens up sometimes though, we're so in our bodies and so in this physical conceptualization of the map. And if you really want to see the map, you got rise up. Because the map really is only seen in the spiritual way. It's your map is your spiritual contracts and your spiritual goal. And all that was made in between lives with you and. And your team. And so your body, your physical body, it's. You're not capable of seeing that map until you get out of your body and go see it.
[00:50:57] Speaker A: Yeah. How we get that. Intuitive guidance. That's what that is.
Can see the map.
[00:51:05] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
[00:51:06] Speaker A: Here. But our higher self is like, I see it. And I'm trying to tell you the next step for like Shoots and Ladders. You're gonna hit that little. The thing and go all the way to the end. But, like, you're not listening because you think it needs to look like this. And I'm trying to save you so much time. And then we're like, why is it working? Why isn't it? And it's like, because we have those.
[00:51:26] Speaker B: Blinders of life on. Right. And we gotta take those blinders off, take the plaques off our eyes and start seeing from this deeper inner self.
[00:51:35] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:51:35] Speaker B: Trust our intuition.
[00:51:36] Speaker A: Yes. Which is like, I feel like that's, that's where everything starts. So with that, I'm looking at the time like, gosh, we could probably talk for the entire day. That for those that are like, okay, well, I see the value in this. I recognize I need to start learning how to trust my intuition. Is that something that you can help? I know you probably help your patients with that, but also like clients for those that are watching this, that don't live in your state, that are like, ah, I still like, I want to work with her. How could they do that? How could you help them with that?
[00:52:10] Speaker B: Totally. So I can work with anybody. With hypnosis, if you want to do some past life work, if you want to do some maybe guided meditation to kind of go deeper into your own spirit, I can work with you anywhere. Anywhere. We could do telehealth. If you're in the state of Washington and you actually want, you know, more hypnotherapy, like, we'll do hypnosis, but then we'll do like therapy, therapy component. And actually I'll, I'll do the work with you. I could do that with you. If you're in the state of Washington. We are getting to a point where it's a national organization called the Compact, which I'm going to have an ability to license in multiple states here in the next year. And so the opportunity for therapy is going to be growing. So don't like write that off and be like, oh, that'll never happen. I don't live in Washington. That's going to be happening in the next six months. So my website is PC, like you know the hippie piece PeaceHumanistic.com just check in periodically. Or we can do hypno, hypnosis up until then, but until that compact gets there, that'll really broaden my ability.
[00:53:10] Speaker A: Yeah, I love that. I understand the point of regulating things, but then sometimes it's like, have to be that, you know, like, so it's like there's definitely value in making sure that like quality assurance is followed for certain things. But, but the idea of making that aspect of healthcare more accessible, allowing people to tap into like working with who they want to work with because they like, I love that.
[00:53:37] Speaker B: So important.
[00:53:39] Speaker A: And I'll make sure too, in the show notes and description, everything that I'll put your website and any of like your social media stuff so people can reach out to you.
I have absolutely loved this conversation.
But to respect time, I will wrap this up and just ask you the same question I love to ask everyone at the end of our interviews is how would you define success?
[00:54:05] Speaker B: Oh, that's a good one. Okay, so this is going to be really strange, but I'm going to go for it anyway. Success for me is the ability to be courageous enough to live in my authentic self and allow whatever to happen to happen.
That is success is the courage to.
[00:54:26] Speaker A: Be an authentic self that like, who I really. That's like full success right there. I feel like that's like the soul's main journey here is like I did that. Finally got there where I can just be.
I love that so much. Well, thank you so, so, so much. And for everyone, thanks so much for tuning in. We'll see you on the next episode.
[00:54:51] Speaker B: Right.
