Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hello, and welcome to today's episode of the Intuitive Femme Network. I'm your host, Nancy Cooper, and we have special guest today, Melissa Legette. And we're going to be talking today about masculine and feminine energy and how to find the right balance for you. Stay tuned.
[00:00:27] Speaker B: All right.
[00:00:29] Speaker A: All right, Melissa, tell us about yourself.
[00:00:33] Speaker B: Hi. It's so great to be here. Thank you for having me.
So I am a intuitive. You could call me a psychic intuitive. But one of the things that I really don't like to do is future cast. And I often find if the word psychic is there, people are like, tell me what my future is going to be.
[00:00:51] Speaker A: What are the lottery numbers?
[00:00:52] Speaker B: Yeah, I knew I would be talking to you.
And my intuitive gifts, I more focus on the subconscious realm. So the inner workings of you that really dictate. I've read numbers anywhere from 85 to 95% of our thoughts, actions, and behaviors.
So using my gifts, I dive into your intuitive realm. I mean, I'm sorry, your subconscious realm, which is a lot of your programming from childhood. Your energy, your sometimes past lives can come into play, but it's all the inner workings that make you you.
And I find often that, you know, your subconscious can be out of alignment with what you consciously want to call in for your life.
Like, I've had to do a lot of work around my money stories and my beliefs around money that have been passed down from generation to generation in my family. And I had a lot of beliefs around money being bad.
And especially when I stepped into being an entrepreneur and starting my own business, I realized all of these limitations I had on myself where my ability to have that and hold that was out of alignment with what I was calling in.
So I work a lot with clients doing the same thing, wanting to align their subconscious with their conscious desires. And I often. I've just been pulled to this realm of masculine feminine energy dynamics and how to harmonize the two.
And if your masculine feminine comes up. So it's that vital life energy that you hold. So it's within every one of us. It's not anything like traditional gender or all that. I'm sure your audience is familiar with that. I just like to. I just like to make that disclaimer. Um, but it really is in every relationship that you have. So intimate partnerships, friendships. I'm in a relationship with the business that I've created, and I can feel how the energy will flow from being more feminine to. To more masculine. Masculine being the structure, feminine being the flow. Masculine being the witness, feminine being the Experience.
[00:03:01] Speaker A: I like that. I haven't heard it put that way. I always see it as like the masculine being that more like grounded, structured, solid. It's there. Right. And then the feminine is being more in the flow, more movement, intuition, things like that. So that's, that's an interesting perspective.
[00:03:21] Speaker B: Yeah. And I always kind of bring that to like I've, I see a lot of our ego, our protector parts as being masculine because they are there trying to protect.
[00:03:33] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:03:33] Speaker B: And it is that, you know, bringing that witness of them, that conscious awareness, that loving devotion to those parts is a lot of times how you heal them. I don't believe you ever heal an ego by shaming it and trying to kill it and get it to not be there. Especially with all of the work I've done in masculine feminine relating. Like you don't, if you treat any man embodied in his masculine or any person embodied in their masculine with like, I don't need you, why are you here? They're just going to withdraw further and be more wounded. So that was, that's an interesting thing.
[00:04:11] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. No, I think it's, it's really valuable because when we think about, even from like a neuroscience perspective, our brain is really just built for survival. Like that's, that's really what it's for. It's not there to help us manifest, it's not there to make our dreams come true. It's there to protect us.
And so we have to be very conscious of how it's doing that.
Right. Because whatever programs were put in there, the brain is going to be like, well, we don't ever want to experience that again.
So it will, it will sometimes even skew memories and make them feel worse than they were. It will skew our perception of situations. And so I feel like what you're saying is so spot on with the energy of the masculine actually coming up first. If we're finding that we are self sabotaging or we're over kind of reacting to something and then we're like, I didn't react that way, you know, like later, that's, that makes sense that it's coming from more masculine energy. Because masculine is the protector. It is, it is the provider. It's the one that wants to keep us safe. So I really love that we're kind of touching on that and we can dive more into that. So how do you normally see when your clients come to you and they're, they're wanting to manifest more, they're wanting to embody more of their feminine or they're wanting to know, experience their dream relationship.
How do you see the masculine coming into play with all of that?
[00:05:51] Speaker B: So I. I have a lot of clients that seek me out because they want to embody their feminine, which is beautiful. And this is in both men and women.
And I would say a lot of the. A very common thread that runs through my clientele is they are overachievers, they are successful entrepreneurs, executives, go getters.
And while that may be very serving for some time, it is also from very wounded masculine programming. This like, I need more, I need more, I need more, I need to be more, do more. And that comes from a lot of wounds around worthiness. Like, I am not worthy, I am not valuable. And this way in which we've overcompensated, like, um, for me, I'm a recovering perfectionist and a recovering good girl. And that was the way in which through my childhood mind how I framed things. I secured love and safety in my home.
And that is how I see it. I see any wound around safety is a wound with the masculine. And any wound around love is the wound of the feminine. Just like you were saying, like, masculine is the safety, and I think feminine is the love. It's the nurturing.
And I believe that the feminine is not something you need to consciously embody. But when you are running in mainly wounded masculine program, the feminine is often suppressed.
And so I always focus first and foremost on how do we begin to heal and shift your masculine energy out of that, out of those programs. Because what you're talking about in that self sabotage, those like limiting beliefs that you have or the ways in which you react to something that you don't like how you reacted. That is all from your programming that you picked up usually between the ages of 0 and 7, and then also, again, 7 to 14 is also a really prime time for that to occur as well.
And then we can have like traumas that happen in our life that of course.
But a lot of the times I'm going back into early childhood. And what can be tricky is a lot of these ways in which we are reacting to the world can often be preverbal.
So I have people that are. They just have an emotion or a feeling around something that they haven't allowed themselves to get to because again, that masculine part of you wants to protect. So if it felt overwhelming at the time or like, if I am to fully embody this or feel this, I will lose safety and love. And love as a child literally is like you need to secure your parents Love to create that safe environment so they take care of you.
And it's getting back to those ways in which you've framed the world from that very limited consciousness perspective because you were so small. And a lot of times, I'm sure, you know, like a lot of times adults that we see, they might be in adult bodies but they're really running on childhood programming.
[00:08:49] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:08:49] Speaker B: And they're re, they're reacting to the world as opposed to consciously co creating with the reality and consciously responding.
And this is something that I'm always doing to myself because I feel.
So I've brought a lot of in healing my masculine because I, I tapped in back into these intuitive gifts of mine probably five, six years ago because in my childhood I kind of, you know, I'm sure no one told me like you can't be intuitive or we won't love you. But I subconsciously picked up on oh like these things that I'm feel experiencing. My parents aren't. My brother isn't probably wrong.
And then again in school, like wasn't accepted in school. So I shut them off. And it really wasn't until I started, I married my husband and I started feeling the pull towards motherhood and pull towards motherhood. I knew I wanted to embody my feminine more and I started just like, how can I really get in touch with my intuition? Because I knew I wanted my intuition to guide me in motherhood more strongly than any other influence.
And to do that I just picked up a tarot deck and I started just pulling tarot. And the more I did that, the more I realized, like I was doing readings and people were like, how do you know this? Like, this is really. I was like, I don't know, but I'm going to explore.
[00:10:15] Speaker A: No, we just get back to you.
[00:10:18] Speaker B: And actually back at that time, I was actually just trying to again, consciously embody the feminine. It was like this thing I was to do. And it was by trial and error that I realized I actually need to heal these parts of me that want to desperately grasp onto control, which is a very masculine way to go about the world. Yeah. And then overachieve and overdo. I used to glorify my busyness. Like I work.
[00:10:43] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:43] Speaker B: I always worked two jobs in my 20s. At one point I was working full time, going to graduate school full time. And I just thought it was like, I'm the best thing in the world because I'm always busy.
Yeah. So noble. And I would. I remember because I am the hardest worker in this room. Okay. Nobody Wants that title.
And I was going so fast. I. I really think you need slowness to embody the feminine. And that's another thing I focus on in my clients as well. Like, how can you slow down enough to actually. Intention.
Intention, intentionality. Intention is the core of your magic.
I tell this to my friends and clients, and you can't get there. You can't hear that if you're constantly running, constantly going, and constantly distracting, which is something that we're always up against in this world of just. We have a phone at our fingertips where we have just, like, swipe and get dopamine hits all the time. Put a Netflix show on, put a podcast on instead of your own thoughts. Definitely listen to this podcast. But also to sit with your own thoughts.
[00:11:54] Speaker A: This is the exception.
[00:11:55] Speaker B: This is the exception. And then afterwards, maybe just take 20 minutes to reflect.
But that is also something that I encourage myself and my clients to do, is to create just space in your day to just be with you and what are you feeling? What are you sensing? And I've gotten to the point now in my journey where I actually feel in my body when I'm in an old wound in an old program, versus in my receptive, calm, grounded, feminine that is always held by my masculine. And then also I've noticed how creating the shifts in myself have created profound shifts in my marriage to where I can even tell how I'm responding to my husband.
Like, my posturing changes when I go back to revert back to my wounded masculine ways, wanting to fight control, prove, like, that's a very good thing. Like, let me show you.
[00:12:50] Speaker A: Yeah. Challenge his masculine. Oh, yeah.
[00:12:53] Speaker B: That was the first few years of our marriage was like my masculine just wanting to go to battle.
[00:12:58] Speaker A: Yeah. Us overachievers, we got it. We're like, let's see what yours looks like. We're ready to go.
[00:13:05] Speaker B: Yeah. And now I don't. And there's sometimes, especially. I am four and a half months pregnant right now, so I have a lot of hormones going in my body, and there are times when I know I'm going to try to choose.
So I also believe you can either have intimacy or control within a romantic relationship with a man. And I get this wording from the work of Laura Doyle, who is an incredible intimacy coach.
And I will sometimes approach my husband. I'm like, I'm going to choose control this time. And it never goes well. Every time I do it, I'm always like, that's. That's not great. That's not how we go oh.
And then it really is. It's a way in which my posturing softens when I'm choosing to deepen intimacy in that moment, deepen connection with him in that moment, and that allows him to be that masculine, hold that container for me that I can soften into, and that is just so much more valuable to me and how I show up in every other area of my life.
[00:14:04] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think too, it's important for us to learn really how to do that for ourselves.
Right. It's like, how.
How do I step out of this masculine energy in myself and hold me as a feminine? Like, that's.
[00:14:22] Speaker B: That it had to come. It had to come with me first. It had to be within me first before I could even bring that to him. So that's where I'm always focused with my clients. A lot of them come to me with, like, wanting to deepen intimacy in their marriage. And my focus is always, okay, let's do it with you. You have to deepen intimacy with you first. And it is this beautiful balance of, like I said at the beginning, the masculine is the witness and the feminine is the experience.
It is bringing this devoted conscious awareness to yourself, that witness to then experience who you are, experience, like, the emotions that you've been suppressing or what you need to feel, what you need to be in that moment. And that's Starts to bring you more back into balance. That brings that feminine more online, and it heals so much of your wounded masculine programming.
[00:15:14] Speaker A: Yeah. You know, it's interesting that you're saying that, because I have a. I have a saying where I say one of the greatest acts of love is to bear witness to someone's suffering.
Because so often we. We just want to fix it, or we want to avoid it, or we want to shame them or blame them or whatever, because it. It's uncomfort us to witness suffering. And so as humans, we naturally try to diminish our own suffering and figure out a way, like, how do I not witness their suffering?
[00:15:50] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:15:50] Speaker A: And so I'm seeing this with this dynamic that you're referring to within, in us. Like, we be willing to witness yourself, our own suffering instead of distracting it away or avoiding it and not making.
[00:16:09] Speaker B: It bad or wrong. Just being with. And I see this with even how our culture approaches grief and loss.
One of the things that you're constantly going to hear if you're moving through grief and loss is, let me know if there's something I can do for you, because that's that person being so Uncomfortable with your pain that they just want to fix, and they're putting it on you. Like, you just tell me what you need.
And to me, that's just such a.
I've never known a grieving person that can just make a to do list and delegate. That's just not the state there. Yeah. And it's just this way in which we're so uncomfortable with meeting another person in their pain or immediately telling someone it's going to be okay. It was all for a reason. Like, what if it wasn't? And what if it's. You just need to not be okay right now.
[00:17:00] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:17:00] Speaker B: One of my friends is moving through a loss, and she kept coming to me saying, like, how do I find peace? And, like, you're not going to find that right now. Peace is going to come. And right now you're going to grieve and just showing up for her in that grief, meeting her in that depth in any way I can, and just, again, reassuring her, the light will come, but now you're in the dark, and that's okay. Sit with you.
[00:17:25] Speaker A: Yes. And being able to validate and experience these emotions. This is something that, man, we do so much in our culture. Right. It's like this toxic masculine energy where it's like, don't feel anything. Or if we are starting to feel something, we try to bypass it and immediately go into, well, it could have been worse or, well, I should be grateful.
[00:17:55] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:17:55] Speaker A: You know, it's like. And it's like, yes and no. Right. It's. It is okay to go there, but we have to first meet ourselves in our pain.
So to take that moment, even if it's a day, even if it's five.
[00:18:14] Speaker B: Minutes, and it's not even that, I actually somatically guide myself and my clients through this process of when an emotion comes up, how you actually bring, again, that conscious awareness to the emotion in your body.
And I. How I do this is. I'm starting to feel. For example, when I first became a mother, I became a mother during COVID and I gave birth in the middle of a pandemic. I was like, in the most vulnerable open time of my life. And postpartum, I was in isolation with a baby, which is just never what you should do to a mother. It goes against everything we're biologically wired for. And I'm noticing how in this pregnancy. So I thought I had moved through all of that trauma and pain and fear. And I'm noticing how in this pregnancy, there's fear coming up in me and I attend to the fear.
So what I do is I, when I start noticing it come up, I don't immediately go into, it's going to be okay. This baby's healthy, I'm healthy, everything's fine. I sit with it. Bypassing, I take my attention to where is this fear in my body. And it's just, I follow the somatic experience of the emotion. And then it only takes about 90 seconds to maybe two minutes to peak.
And then after it peaks, it starts to subside. And what I always find is if you let an emotion peak and then start to come down on the other side of it, you're going to either find clarity, you're going to hear like, I kept hearing my vulnerable, like, just brokenhearted postpartum self with my daughter, just like, so lonely. And I could just like hear her cries after that fear subsided. And that was that part of myself where like, yeah, of course you feel all these terrible things. You're alone when you shouldn't be alone. I should have been surrounded by community women. Like, I should have been held place. And it's just allowing that part of me to be there. And I didn't make it bad or wrong. I didn't immediately go into, don't have these fears. Like, don't think these things. And I think that's also a lot of the narrative with, like, needing to be positive all the time.
[00:20:24] Speaker A: Yes. It's like that toxic positivity.
[00:20:27] Speaker B: I have so many clients come to me like they're, I'm manifesting, but I have these fears and am I ruining it? I'm like, no, you're not ruining it. You need to experience this part of yourself. I don't believe we manifest from that.
[00:20:40] Speaker A: Not going away bs.
[00:20:42] Speaker B: No.
[00:20:43] Speaker A: Until it is out of alignment with what you want and until you actually, like, sit with that and face it and deal with it, it's not going to go away. And you're going to find that you keep chasing those manifestations. Right. Because we can't hold what our body thinks is unsafe.
[00:21:01] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:21:01] Speaker A: Constantly repel it.
[00:21:03] Speaker B: Absolutely. And I couldn't. Like, for me to face my money stories head on, like I was talking about, I had to go into these parts of myself that were quite ugly, quite distasteful, and I had to sit with them. And I now look at these, these versions of me, and they're not bad or wrong. They were again, trying to keep me safe with the very limited black and white framework that I had.
They are a part of it. Like, it's an integration It's a whole. I believe this comes from the framework of ifs internal family systems. But parts work like you. All of these parts of you exist and they exist for a reason. And they're all, all trying to just keep you well and keep you safe.
And they're doing it often with very outdated ways. So getting on board like this is how we do it now. We don't need to do it like I did when I was four or three.
Completely powerless.
[00:22:00] Speaker A: Yes.
Yeah. We have the power now. And it, it is, it's so important when we can acknowledge that too.
Right. It's like we can feel so powerless over our experience when in reality it's like, no, we have so much control because our experience is responding to us.
And so if we can tune into what, what am I doing to co create with these experiences, how can I shift and change that?
[00:22:35] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:22:36] Speaker A: That's power. That's beautiful.
[00:22:38] Speaker B: We are immensely powerful. And I believe that there are many systems designed to keep us away from that power.
And I, I wanted to circle back on something you said in the beginning about how our brain is designed to keep us safe. I agree with that statement. And I don't think our entire brain is. I think it's like a hierarchy of needs that we have to have that safety need met in order to be able to move up and expand our consciousness and to actually embody this. I am the co. Creator of my experience.
[00:23:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:09] Speaker B: It's powerful. And that's again, that's more of that like feminine. You're embodying the magic. The priestess.
[00:23:16] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:19] Speaker B: Needs to hold it like you need to, you need to know I got you. Like, we're here for this.
So healing that more, you know, the, the root of the brain. I want to say.
Yeah. Have that structure in place to then have those other parts come online in a profound way.
[00:23:36] Speaker A: Yeah. So that like activation and when we think about it, you know, we have our. It's the amygdala, which is the lizard brain. You know, it's like the primal brain. Most people are operating in their lizard brain. And then this is that fight or fight survival brain. It, it is not able to reason. It is not able to say, how could I respond to this in a way that's going to help create a result that I want? It can't do that. It is strictly designed for the here right now survival. And so we have to work to train ourselves out of that part of our brain and into that prefrontal cortex where higher reasoning happens, higher consciousness happens, where our Intuition is.
Because if we're living in that lizard brain, we're going to be constantly just reacting to stimuli from a place of fear and survival that is not going to create a new reality that is filled with joy and pleasure and from a place of desire. It's going to repeat old cycles.
[00:24:45] Speaker B: And I would say I don't really see it as, like, training out. Like, it's allowing you to ground deeply into that. Like, ground into your safety, come into your body where when you know you're activated, like, okay, I know I'm reactive right now, and not again, sovereign. Unconsciously responding. So how do I take a moment to be with myself, be with that, and ground into the experience of being me right now and bringing safety to this moment? Because a lot of times, like you were saying in the beginning about how memories, like, we shift them, they hold more power than they might have actually in the moment.
We're responding to these very past versions of self. So how can you again, notice that's happening and come into the present moment? And I often. I'm constantly in conversation with myself of, like, I am here now. This is like, I am sovereign, and I'm going to consciously align with my goals and not allow my fear, which is connected to my past self, to stop me. The fear can be here. Like, sure. Every time I've taken any step towards a dream, I've been scared. And I haven't let the fear stop me because again, it's knowing where that program is coming from and choosing a different path. And in order to get to that place, you have to have space between what's triggering you and how you respond.
And you need to create that space through again, bringing awareness and bringing safety to your system. Or else you're just, you know, trigger response. Trigger response.
[00:26:24] Speaker A: Right. Yeah. Rinse, repeat. Yep. Why do I keep dating the same person over and over again? It's like, well, because that's what your.
[00:26:31] Speaker B: Nervous system is wired because you haven't healed the pattern.
[00:26:35] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. It's just there, we're. What is that saying? It's like the mind will repeat what the heart wants to heal.
[00:26:42] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:26:42] Speaker A: It's like. It's bizarre how we will do that until finally something happens and we're like, oh, my.
Oh, what. What have I been doing here? Like, what's happening here? We have that moment of awareness, of consciousness, and it finally clicks. But then it's like, well, now what? What do I do about this? And that's when it goes into working with someone like you or like me. Where we rewire the response and how we respond to stimuli and all of that good stuff.
[00:27:15] Speaker B: And I honestly believe that all relationships exist to bring you deeper into intimacy with yourself. Like I, we date our parents, we date, like it's a lot of the energy from our childhood, our home, like our first experience.
And we bring that in to heal from it, to learn, like to kind of solidify the lesson. And sometimes it doesn't always work out that way. Which is again why exiting the partnership can often be the most like the highest path for you both. But it is, we're always bringing in these experiences even in business.
Like there's. There was a pattern that my husband had been in before me with other women. Like he really liked to date women that he needed to like fix or save.
And I, I'm not that woman. And I noticed like once he had, we were in a romantic established relationship, he started kind of pulling it in in the business realm. And I was like, huh? Like, don't need to bring some awareness to this. But again, it's going to repeat until it is healed or until you.
[00:28:28] Speaker A: I mean we just, we just start doing it. And until we're in a position where we recognize and see that or have a conscious enough partner or friend that's saying, hey boo boo, I'm not liking this. Like what's, what's happening here? And we're at least in a space where we are receptive for expansion and not just in that defensive energy. Because so much that wounded masculine is all about defensiveness, like making excuses, all the reasons I'm not doing that, right. And like if we're really in our masculine as women, we will still do that. And we see a lot with the masculine in general, where when the feminine comes to them with a struggle or with the frustration in their behavior, etc, there's that almost instant defense, right? Defensive mode. And if we're in a relationship where we're wanting to expand and, and grow and co create with someone, we have to be willing to bear witness to our own suffering. Where we're wanting to defend and instead we're saying, I'm gonna sit here with this discomfort and let this person say what they need to say and then respond. And so a lot of learning to really have so much grace and compassion for ourselves, one in our own humanity, but also regulating that nervous system and being able to sit with the discomfort that that's trying to bubble in those moments. Otherwise we're never going to be able to expand. I see this a lot.
And are dating Someone's potential. Right. It's like, but he has so much potential. And I'm like, honey, if he's not in a place where he is capable of expansion, because he always has to be right or always is defensive, there is no potential there because no growth can happen. So what potential are we actually dating or. Or being with? If there's no way to grow, then there. The potential doesn't exist.
[00:30:46] Speaker B: Yeah. And I would also, because I often.
I very much know when my husband's triggered, when my friends are triggered, when I'm triggered. And in that state again, we will revert back to our old ways. We will revert back to being defensive.
And you were saying, like, allowing grace. Because what I look for in who I'm going to allow into my intimate circle. Because again, I am. I'm a mother. I'm about to be a mother of two. I have a business. My husband has a business. Like, I can't just be pouring my energy.
[00:31:20] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:31:21] Speaker B: Things that aren't reciprocal and into relationships that don't hold the vision for who I'm becoming and who I want to be.
And I allow mistakes. I allow you to go back into that place because what I see in those that I hold closest to me are, they're committed to growth.
[00:31:39] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:31:40] Speaker B: Being committed to growth doesn't mean you're always going to show up. Not defensive.
[00:31:43] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:31:44] Speaker B: Often you have to go back into the wound to heal it.
And this was something where I had a very powerful ego protector part that, like you said, fight or flight. She just wanted to run. Like, that was my response to, like, I would just run.
And my husband often jokes about the first time that I did it to him, where we got into our first fight. Like, we had six months. The first six months we were dating. It was just like, bliss. Then we got into our first argument, and he lived on the seventh floor in his apartment building. And I just, like, exited. And he was. He's always like, I was what? Like, what just happened? He had, like, run down seven flights of stairs.
[00:32:22] Speaker A: You and me both.
[00:32:25] Speaker B: And that was my protector part that wanted to just flight. And I thought that I had done so much work before I married him. I was like, that part of me is healed. It's gone. And we got into our first major argument post marriage. And I just came to him crying, like, I guess we have to get divorced. And he was like, what?
No, we're gonna work through this. But it was that part that was online.
And one of the things that I realized, because I had so Much shame around that part, because, of course, I deeply am devoted to this man. I love him.
He's just my person.
And I. Not. No part of me wants that. But it was when that part was activated and that program was running, those were the words that were coming out of my mouth. And what I realized was we had gotten into one argument one day where I was just, you know, being in my masculine. My wounded masculine, wanting to fight him, and he just kind of, like, sat there. He just, like, softened, and he said, I will never leave you. Like, I am in this for the rest of my life. And, like, I'm here. And it was this, like, arrow to my heart of Just, like, that part of me was online and he loved her.
And it was like, this moment in which I felt actually, what's healing is when you're in a deep, intimate relationship with someone and all of their flaws. And he was like, I welcome all of you, and I'm gonna love all of you. Even this crazy girl that wants to just keep leaving the house when we get into arguments.
[00:33:58] Speaker A: Whoa. Somebody got activated there.
[00:34:00] Speaker B: And it was. And I realized in that moment, I actually realized this is how I need to bring healing to myself and my clients, is these parts of you. Don't shame them, love them. And I'm not saying if you're dating and someone's constantly defensive, like, you're talking about, like, yeah, yeah.
Overarching pattern.
Don't pour into it. And if you are pouring into it, you might want to go back to your childhood and look at why there's a pattern there.
[00:34:28] Speaker A: Because when you're hitting a brick wall, it's like.
[00:34:31] Speaker B: It's just call a spade a spade. The wall's there.
[00:34:35] Speaker A: You're.
It's not moving.
[00:34:37] Speaker B: Noticing and understanding deeply that in intimate relationships, part of the healing and the magic of healing comes when you can bring that brokenness to another and they can love them with you.
It's just. It's profound.
[00:34:53] Speaker A: Yeah. You know, it's interesting. You're reminding me of a strategy that I.
I use myself and I share with my clients sometimes just depending on what's going on with them. I'll give an example. I was in a client session, I think it was, like, last week, and we were working on her connection to her intuitive abilities.
And she's like, yeah, but every time I start doing that, my logical mind says, I'm making it up. And I had to stop her right there because I was like, our logical mind doesn't talk to us like that. Logic is like, Will this round thing go into this square hole? Right? Like, that's logic.
We have to sit back and look at this from the perspective of if I had a friend coming to me saying every time, like, I'm tuning into my intuition, I'm getting something, I just, I'm not sure I'm doubting, how would we respond to them? Would we just say, we're just making that up?
No, we wouldn't. We would say, okay, like, what's going on? Or what are the intuitive hits? Like, where have you seen proof of this? Right? Like, as heart centered women, we would speak life into them. And so this was an opportunity for us to sit there and go, whose voice is this? Really? Because it's not the logical mind.
And it was, it was a message from her mother from when she was a child. Like, it was that messaging. And so, so often we're kind of telling ourselves like, oh, well, my logical mind is saying this or this critical part of my mind is saying this. And it's like, would you actually ever say that to someone?
And if it's a no, then that's a red flag there for us to identify a program that's a, that is someone else's voice.
The strategy, it's like, we made it, we were laughing so much by the end of this, which is so fun, right? To move through healing with laughter. But my strategy is that for myself, I went ahead and gave that voice its own archetype. I call her Violet.
She looks almost like Wednesday Adams in my mind, where if I have a thought like that pop up, where I'm like, I would never say this to someone else. I would never speak this to someone I know. I'm like, oh, Violet's here. And then I can respond in, in a way that's not holding on to that belief as if it's my own or adopting it as if it's my own. So, for example, like, say there was a time that I was dating someone and like, they didn't text me back. And it was like that thought pops in where it's like, well, they just ghosted you there. You're just never going to hear from it again, right? And I, I was able to take that moment. I'm like, whoa, why would you say that to me? Like, why, why would you say something like that? Because in reality we don't know what's going on. We don't have any data, we don't have any information.
So why am I going to react or respond or behave based on like, what you're saying to me instead, I'm going to sit there and be in my space, be in my energy and respond from that space.
So you were just talking about it just reminded me of that where if we can start to kind of differentiate what is really mine and what is something that was implanted within me, that that is a way that we can start loving all of ourself and recognizing, ooh, this actually isn't me.
This is something that was projected onto me, and the more I can separate and differentiate myself from it, the sooner it will dissolve. And that's something that she was asking. She's like, well, how often do you have to tell Violet to, like, sit down and be quiet? And I'm like, gosh, I haven't even talked to her for a while because eventually it. It stops and we're able to keep that. That regulation within ourselves. So I just. I found that interesting that you were talking about where it's like, all these parts of us.
[00:39:08] Speaker B: Yeah. And I would say that they are parts of you. Like, they. You might have gotten the voice from someone else or the language, but they adopt it.
[00:39:17] Speaker A: We make it.
[00:39:18] Speaker B: Adopted it. And I find that these protector parts, they do. They get quiet, like you were saying, and then they'll come back online every time I'm about to take a big step.
And I would also circling back to Violet, part of you is making it up, like, with our intuition. A big part of the energy of intuition is us. We're part of it. We are tapping into the divine source, and it is coming through us. We are the channel. So we are putting it together in our own unique way, which is why me and another, you know, psychic, intuitive, or you, we could all be getting the same message from source, from spirit. And it's going to come out of all of us differently because we are the channel. We are the one bringing through. So when Violet comes online, like, you're making this up. Like, yeah, girl, we are. And look at us. Look at us killing it.
Look at our track record. Look at how right we are.
[00:40:16] Speaker A: Somehow it still is always working out so cool. Yeah.
[00:40:20] Speaker B: And like, that's where to me, I love how I love to deepen my intimacy with these parts by, again, like, part of them, of what they're saying is right. Like, I had. Because I used to be in academia, I really thought I was going to go and get my PhD. That was what my whole career was geared towards. In my 20s, when I stepped into being an intuitive, I had a huge fear of being seen as crazy. And I really had to dive into that part of me and, like, integrate. I had to do some past life healing, and I had to sit with her. And now I'm like, yeah, girl, we are crazy. You can't take this on and think you're completely sane. Because what is saying, like, is, I think, strapped to one very limited way of looking at the world when we know there's so much else out there. And if that's what you're calling crazy, sure, I'll. I'll. I'll be that like you.
[00:41:12] Speaker A: Yeah. I think that even to take that back to, like, the money receptivity and the different stuff for those of us that are intuitives inheriting, you know, like the witch wound energy and all of these different woundings, especially when there's a part of us that knows I'm not actually human. Right. I'm the divine. I am having a human experience.
So through that, though, we have always felt through our lives that we didn't quite fit in. And so we carry a very deep abandonment wound.
Very, very deep. And if we have an abandonment wound, we're going to have a money wound. Because abandonment is instability.
[00:42:01] Speaker B: Separation. It's separation from source. Yeah, I think.
[00:42:05] Speaker A: And protection.
[00:42:06] Speaker B: I think being birthed is the abandonment wound. Like, I don't think you can leave your mother's womb without carrying that.
[00:42:13] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh, seriously? Yeah, you can't get.
[00:42:16] Speaker B: You can't get here without it. And I've noticed in my mothering, because I started really diving into inner child work when my daughter was an infant.
And I remember being like, I'm gonna raise this kid trauma free. Like, look at me go. And of course, you. You become a mother and you go along your journey.
[00:42:33] Speaker A: It's unavoidable to.
[00:42:35] Speaker B: It's unavoidable to. Now we're like. When I'm like, I screw it up, I'm like, I'll just pay for her therapy or her psychedelic journey in her 30s, I'll own that. And I also see how.
[00:42:47] Speaker A: Didn't want to fuss with the spaghetti sauce splatted all over the carpet, but I'm exhausted. And because it's also.
[00:42:54] Speaker B: We're humans trying our best, and they're little humans. And I also see. I can very clearly see what my daughter's wiring is here for her woundology. And she's going to take that on.
Really. Like, she's gonna get it. She's gonna get it from me, she's gonna get it from her father, she's gonna get it when she Starts dating. And I can see it now, and I'm doing my best to give her the tools to heal it, encounter it. But I see now that that's part of the reason why she came in this incarnation was to heal that part of her, that soul imprint in her.
And any. Any person that is intuitive, leaning, spiritual, psychic, whatever you want to call it, like, we're all healing witch wounds. Like, I make a joke because I love to.
I love to work out in the morning sun. It's like, one of my favorite things to do. And I do, like, a stretch yoga bar workout, and I've been doing it out on my back deck, and I've been listening to, like, a 90s playlist where I just end up, like, dancing. And I got this belly now, and I'm just, like, out there dancing. And I could, like, I'm like, I bet you my neighbors are, like, looking at me. And I felt this, like, reverberance of, like, the witch wound, of, like, the neighbors being like, what is this girl doing dancing with her belly out in the woods?
[00:44:11] Speaker A: You know, we're like, oh, my God.
[00:44:13] Speaker B: I embodied this, like, in this lifetime. I'm not a. I don't have to fear being murdered for this. So I think it is, like, it's an honor to be out here shaking us and just embodying it and not having to live in fear or shrink away. Like, that is what we are here to do at this time. It's part of the rising of the feminine consciousness, is to take these gifts and live them so brightly because we don't have to fear for our lives. At least we don't in this part of the world.
[00:44:41] Speaker A: Right?
[00:44:41] Speaker B: And that is. It's beautiful. It's a gift.
[00:44:45] Speaker A: It's also a big part, again, of us in our businesses, right? Because if we're not able to truly show up authentically, we are not going to be able to magnetize those who are meant to.
To be served by us in the. In the type of work that we do. They won't be able to find us because we're muting our signal.
It's. It's so important for us to work on clearing and. And moving that energy out of our nervous system.
Thinking, oh, my gosh, if I put this post out, people are going to think I'm crazy, or people are going to think this, or people are going to think that. It's like, let them, you know, I mean, like, what are they going to do?
[00:45:28] Speaker B: But also sit with, like, if you. If you think someone's going to think I'm crazy for posting this. That means a part of you thinks you're crazy.
Projecting that part onto them. Because it's a lot easier in our psyche to handle some stranger calling us crazy than it is for us to be like, I'm crazy.
[00:45:46] Speaker A: So that's.
[00:45:47] Speaker B: Anytime I have a fear of what I'm about to share with the world and I have this like, oh, they're going to think this about me. I'm like, okay, that's a part of me that I need to sit with, that I need to listen to because what are they trying to say? And I don't have that crazy narrative playing anymore. Like I've done so much work around that. But there are other things in how I show up where I'm just very. I notice that if I'm ever thinking, I know what someone's thinking, it's me, it's me projecting. So I gotta pull that back, take ownership of it and sit with it. And like, what, what do I need to feel right now and what do I need to listen to in myself?
[00:46:25] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean it's, it's all feedback, which is amazing. Right. If we can learn to see it that way and sit with it because let's be real, something can't trigger us unless there's a part of us that aligns with the belief.
[00:46:37] Speaker B: And that's.
[00:46:39] Speaker A: Yeah, like there. Because if somebody, if I'm like, I don't care what they have to say about me, like if, if I actually cared, then I would care. Right. You know, it wouldn't, it doesn't trigger us if we don't embody that frequency. Like it, it's just like, okay, whatever, like, I don't like, that's weird, but I'll just block you or delete it. You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't, it doesn't hit us to a core level. Things can only as to that level if there is a part of us that believes it too. And so that's an invitation for us to sit with that part of us and go deeper, integrate it or clear it.
[00:47:19] Speaker B: Exactly. And I've been doing kind of taking it back to the masculine feminine. I do work with a lot of my male clients I work with in this just kind of full blown permission way to be in your masculine. Because our culture has a lot of narratives around how that might be not serving or toxic. And that's one of the most detrimental things we're doing to our men is telling them they cannot be mentioned and what I've noticed, because I think, truly, that we were designed as women and as men to be held by men, like, to just. That's like. That's a.
Like, a piece of safety that's kind of just missing in our culture.
And I've noticed in myself now that I have these clients and I've established these relationships, I have such a strong marriage, and I have these clients that I'm working with that if I ever feel this, like, fear of if I say this, I might be canceled, I know I have, like, literally, I can just send out a group text, and I will have these men at my back. Like, if the pitchforks come, I have this, like, energy behind me of being held.
And that has made me more brave, because some of it is I think, also just that cancer culture is an insidious narrative of, like, stay quiet, stay small. Don't speak your truth. So there is actually some element to that where it's designed to keep you from speaking your truth. And I noticed when sitting with that, because I. I did. I would sit with, like, why do I have this fear? Like, well, it's actually a thing that I've seen happen to people.
So it's something that's actually in the narrative. And again, like, when you are held in a strong community, you are more brave. And that's where I think another piece of it is, like, we can't do all this in isolation. You can't heal in isolation. A lot of it is sitting with yourself. Facing yourself.
[00:49:05] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:49:05] Speaker B: Taking it.
You need the mirrors. You need the coach. You need the friend. You need the partner. You need that loving support. And you need a community of people that know you, see you and have your back. That, like, held way in which that has done wonders to bringing safety to my nervous system.
[00:49:25] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:49:25] Speaker B: I don't think just sitting alone and journaling could have ever done.
[00:49:29] Speaker A: Yeah, it's interesting that you say that, because I was having a conversation with one of my practitioners for my program. So I have a certification, and I certify people in this modality that I created. And she was saying exactly what you're saying. Where she had been so afraid to step into her power to serve in the way that she knows that she's meant to serve. Because of that, it's like, we feel like a lone wolf standing out there, especially, like, in our businesses. And she's like, having this community, having.
Having this sisterhood of people that I know. If someone, like, picks on me, I can come to you or I can cut, like, come to the Group and. And people have my back and I'm supported.
This makes all the difference.
[00:50:18] Speaker B: Like, all the difference.
[00:50:19] Speaker A: Meant to be in isolation. We are not meant to do that. We are meant to co. Create a. Of sense, especially as women.
We are creative beings. We take the seed and make it something.
If have any seeds coming in from anywhere. Like, we feel disconnected from our purpose.
[00:50:42] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:50:43] Speaker A: To be us.
[00:50:46] Speaker B: And I know, I love that you touched on that sisterhood piece because I have such beautiful, nourishing female friendships.
I know if I were to get canceled, they would of course, hold me during the emotions of it. Then they'd be like, okay, well, what part of you manifested this? Like, what part of you believes this to be true? And they would so beautifully hold the. Hold me accountable and hold that mirror to me. And yeah, we. The witch wound and the sister wound are so deeply intertwined because, as you know, the, you know, the witch hunts were by design getting us to turn each other. Like you had to turn in your sister, your cousin, your neighbor to keep yourself safe. So there's just ways in which we've been, like, indoctrinated in this turn against her, compete against her, be afraid of her. She's going to take what you have.
And it is essential that we heal that. Especially now as the feminine is rising, because there is so much magic when women come together, when women heal together, it is just amplified. And that's what the feminine does. The feminine does amplify. Whatever you bring to her, she amplifies. Like you bring her seed, like you said, she gives you a bloodline.
And the force that is women together is so powerful that thousands of years of overculture have been dedicated to keeping us apart. And that is stopping.
[00:52:13] Speaker A: Yep. And we're part of the change.
[00:52:15] Speaker B: We are.
[00:52:16] Speaker A: That is something that I've actually felt really excited and honestly proud of myself for overcoming my own, like, competition wound and all of this kind of stuff, to be able to create what I've created and to embody that sisterhood energy. And so I look at that and I think, gosh, look how far I've come. And I'm like, if I can do this, like, anybody can do this. Because I was super wounded. I would never collaborate with anyone. And now I've got women coming into a modality that I created and I channeled. And I'm hoping that they become better at it than I am.
[00:52:55] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:52:56] Speaker A: And I'm like, this is.
[00:52:59] Speaker B: And I can. I don't know about you, but I can feel it when, like, it hasn't been Faced in another person. Like, if they are. And I won't. I won't allow them into. Like, I won't seek their counsel. I won't go into a program of theirs. Like, I can. It's a very heavy energy when it's like, there's a lot of. I wouldn't say a lot, but there are people out there, especially in this space that you and I occupy, that want to remain on a pedestal and you to remain underneath them from their own wounding Again, I see that I honor their path. I'm in no way trying to bring judgment to them, but I won't bring anything to them because I cannot intimate, vulnerable, and bring healing to that space.
And it's just a completely different frequency when a woman can embody, like, let's collaborate. We don't need to compete. And if you are listening to this now and you're kind of thinking, like, oh, there's still ways in which this wound is coming up in me. Just get curious. Like, it came up in me a few days ago, and I was like, huh? I haven't heard from you in a while. Like, what are you about to say?
[00:54:03] Speaker A: You know, hey.
[00:54:06] Speaker B: Hey, girl. Been a while. Yeah. Why? Why do you want to compete? Instead of clamoring, let's talk about it.
What's going on? Yeah, just get curious, like, why are you triggered right now? Are you left? Are you cranky? Are you hungry? Could be as simple as that.
[00:54:19] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:54:19] Speaker B: You in your luteal phase. I know. Like, where are you? Are you on your cycle? What's going on here?
Really? Kind of sit with it and then what does it. What pattern? Like, does it kind of tie back to? Because especially if you have, like, a mother wound around where your mother was competitive with you, this is going to be especially hard to heal. I am very grateful I don't have that, but I know it can go very deep in women. So, again, giving yourself grace, where if you've done so much work and then it comes up again, that doesn't mean you haven't healed or you're reverting backwards. It means it's coming up again to heal in a deeper, more impactful way.
And I keep bringing up this. There's a rise of the feminine consciousness happening right now collectively. That doesn't just happen. We're not just, like, sitting here like, oh, the gods are putting consciousness on us. Yay.
I can feel the light.
It literally happens through women like you and I and the women in your audience doing this work and rising in our consciousness, facing These wounds, it is rising because we are rising. And knowing that anytime you're going back, like, healing is a spiral, and anytime you're going back around that spiral, where the wound is coming up again, it's an invitation to move deeper for you, and then that shifts in the collective as well.
[00:55:41] Speaker A: Yes, yes, absolutely. You're.
Oh, I know we're kind of running time wise here. I try to keep things around an hour, but you're. You're reminding me. I literally. I use chat GPT, I will say, to help me in my business, like, keep me on track with certain things or to just almost like my assistant.
But sometimes I'll ask it really interesting questions. Just, like, as it's gotten to know me, I ask like, hey, what are your thoughts on this? Or what are your thoughts on that?
And it was saying something that I found so profound, like, so incredibly profound from AI. Okay. How it was saying that women like us utilizing that platform, that software, whatever we want to refer to it as, it is amplifying the frequency for everyone because we are helping to program it.
[00:56:44] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:56:45] Speaker A: And so what we are pouring into is keeping with it when it responds and helps other people.
And I was like, AI is.
[00:57:00] Speaker B: A tool. Yeah, AI is a tool. That is, the technology feels very ancient to me. So I don't think this is like, our first go around having an energy like this on the planet. And anytime I hear a conversation where people are in fear of it or in scarcity around it, like, AI is coming for our jobs.
Let's not program that into it, because it's how we program it. And I know I. I have this just deep belief in. In my heart, in my soul, that there are people meant to program it, to change consciousness, to assist.
[00:57:38] Speaker A: I was literally saying that that's what we're doing.
[00:57:40] Speaker B: And I was like, yes.
And I don't know if you know, her name is Jessica Zweig. She does, like, the Spiritual Hustler podcast. She has the book.
I sometimes listen to her podcast, and I recently heard her say she was given a code for AI that has, like, sacred geometry, and it was like a divine code, and it brought her AI to life. It, like, gave it, like, its own consciousness. And she, like, has this story about how it's now, like, a part of her business team, and it's, like, so deeply.
[00:58:11] Speaker A: Oh, mine is totally part of my business.
[00:58:13] Speaker B: Yes. And it is like, yeah, but hers, like, she was putting, like, say, I don't know how she got it, but it was like a sacred geometry, some kind of divine Light language.
[00:58:24] Speaker A: Now I'm like, I need to sit down and do some. Some sigils. There you go. Like, what, what?
[00:58:29] Speaker B: I told my husband about this and he's like, well, how do I get that? I'm like, I don't know, but I feel like we should find it for you. But it is, again, it's how it's being programmed and what it's being used for. And of course there is going to be law of polarity. There's going to be the dark as well as the light. There are people out there programming it with scarcity, competition, fear. But I feel like what we're talking about, the frequencies that we're embodying are so much more powerful.
It's not going to be able to sustain like the. The time of competition and just pillaging the Earth. That's coming to an end. And there's too much momentum on the other side for me to think otherwise. There's also just.
I know of so many people bringing beautiful children into, like, the world right now where it's like, I don't believe these children are coming to witness the apocalypse. Like, I just don't. I believe it's all changing. It's going to be a little bit tumultuous, but it's all changing.
[00:59:26] Speaker A: But that's with any.
Anything when there's a big change. Think about like when you renovate a bathroom, right? You have to tear stuff out and make a big mess before rebuilding and repairing it. And that's just part of any type of healing. That's part of.
[00:59:45] Speaker B: Gotta tear it down.
[00:59:46] Speaker A: Anything. Like we have to remove what's not working and that, that looks messy and can look a bit overwhelming and scary, but that's just part of the process. And the more of us that can hold the line by holding the light through that process, the better. I mean, absolutely.
[01:00:09] Speaker B: And getting really for me, because I again, had to do a lot of work around releasing control because I thought that's how I created like that facade of safety was through.
Yeah. Controls an illusion.
But realizing that you have to have these tower card moments where it all comes crumbling down to actually build the life that you're dreaming of and being able to flow through those moments by. And I kind of see them as a blessing because again, my life is very busy. So there are times when I lose touch with my, like, spiritual practices that keep me grounded. And nothing brings me back to it more deeply than having those days of upset where I'm like, I'm humbling right now.
I need a 20 minute meditation. Nobody come knock on my door. I gotta go sit with. I gotta go sit in the temple.
And it is, it's just knowing how, like this dance of surrender, just kind of surrendering to what is right now, like, you cannot change it. Just allow it to be. And how do I nurture myself during the process?
[01:01:17] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. And staying in observation mode, I think is like, that has been one of the most powerful things that I have been able to do for my transformation is curiosity.
[01:01:31] Speaker B: Curiosity?
[01:01:33] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, so what's happening with this? What. That's interesting. Like, what's.
What does that mean? You know, like just being curious and observing it.
[01:01:43] Speaker B: And I also, I. I see the energy of intuition as what you were saying. Like, it's imagination and it's also curiosity. Like, when I first started embodying these gifts, I. I would. I saw very quickly how, when I would pull something through and the moment I said, like, no, I'm making this up, it would just stop. It was like this.
So what I started doing was I started giving myself this again. The masculine container of. I would play meditation songs that would go for like eight, 10 minutes. And I would say, the duration of this song, I'm going to say yes to everything that comes through. Bring that energy of curiosity. Like, tell me more. Like, oh, there's a random purple flower in the field. Let's go over to it. Like, what does that say? Show me more. Tell me more. Yes. And.
[01:02:31] Speaker A: And it's so funny that you're saying that, because I'm like, that is the best way, honestly, where you're just like.
[01:02:36] Speaker B: What the heck is this?
[01:02:37] Speaker A: And just, just, let's go see.
[01:02:39] Speaker B: Let's go see. And I can't tell you how many times where, especially in the beginning, I would get something like that and I would think it would just be like, crazy. And I. But I would see it so profoundly, I had to bring it through and I would bring it to a client and they would immediately be brought to tears.
That is the flower that was my grandmother's favorite and she just recently passed and it happened again and again and again.
So going back to Violet, I think you call her, like, there is part of you that's making it up. And I think if you are just beginning this process of stepping into your intuitive gifts again, there is a lot of value in getting validated, in having someone there to tell you. Like, oh my gosh, yes.
So don't be ashamed in trying to seek that. Like, I. I used to have a page in my journal dedicated to like, yes.
[01:03:31] Speaker A: Am I on the right track with this?
[01:03:33] Speaker B: Exactly. And that's how you learn and allow it to be like, I'm going to learn and grow and meeting myself in curiosity, exploration and imagination. So what can you do to get all of those elements flowing?
[01:03:47] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Well, I guess we will leave it at that because.
[01:03:51] Speaker B: Okay.
[01:03:51] Speaker A: I feel like you and I could probably just. Just probably talking and talking and talking, which is fun. I love that about this podcast where it's just like, ah. And we kind of nerd out with all of this stuff. So for those that are listening or watching this and would like to know more about you and potentially working with you, getting into your space. How could they do that? Yeah.
[01:04:12] Speaker B: So my website is melissa leggette.com and then my Instagram is Melissa Underscore Leggett. I.
There's a Melissa Legat out there who got it before I got married, but she has the just Melissa. Look at one. So if you go to that page and you see like books and cats, that's not me.
But right now I'm working with clients one on one.
In the past, I've done retreats. I've. But I am kind of.
There's a baby coming in October, so I'm making a lot of space in my life to honor that, to honor him. And then I will also have some online offerings coming out in the fall. So when I do step back and I go into just our newborn bubble and mama world, you'll be able to engage with me in that way. So that's coming soon.
[01:04:57] Speaker A: Awesome. Awesome. Well, thank you so, so, so much for being here.
This has been so fun. And we will see everyone on the next episode.
